September 2010

Work-Life Balance: A Zero Sum Game?

by Eleanor Blayney
September 23rd, 2010

It’s Wednesday – my “taking-care-of-Everett” day. I think just about everyone knows by now that Everett is my new and first grandbaby. I simply cannot fight the irrepressible urge to announce this fact to complete strangers on elevators, in airport terminals, even to the cranky cop on the Washington D.C. Beltway, who miraculously became a really nice guy when I pulled out the baby pictures instead of my license from my wallet.

I am a hands-on gramma twice a week. On-knees, too, by the way. On those days, I rise joyfully at 5:30 am to be on time for that first gummy grin as I come in the door. But by 6:00 pm I am worn to a frazzle, outwitted by a 10 month-old who may not know my name but does know perfectly well how to hijack my best-laid plans for the day.

I’ve been told that I am nuts. A friend recently joined me for dinner at the end of an Everett day, and after commenting on the sweet potato appliqué on my sleeve, chided me for my tendency to overcommit and then complain about nonexistent free time. She apparently concluded that I had completely taken leave of my senses, reminding me – a financial planner for over twenty years – “this is what money is for.” In other words, if I was that keen to help my daughter, I could always pay for day care or a nanny.

So why do I give up a chunk of my week to take care of a baby? Apart from the obvious reason – namely, he is far more precious to me than my time – there’s another simple explanation. I do this because I can. Thirty years ago this was not the case. I couldn’t be a full-time mom to my daughter because I had to work at entry-level jobs where someone else controlled my time and priorities. I had to start making and saving the money that at this stage of life allows me to call my own shots about what I do, and when I do it. From nervous, stressed-out new mom, I have evolved into a patient, available grandmother. I am now making up for lost baby-time.

This is not to say that I no longer have to work. My effort to change and improve the way financial planners engage with women has me working ridiculous hours. Passion is a more demanding taskmaster than money. Even on days when I fall prey to the inevitable doubts of a new business owner, the responses we are getting from the planner community and the media keeps me rising at 5:30 am even on non-Everett days.

I’ve learned to juggle – to keep the business balls up in the air while I am cradling my grandson. Monday and Wednesday have become the days for phone calls, emails, even a rare few minutes snatched during naptime for writing. I’ve given interviews, too, as long as they are not radio spots, given the inevitable squawks and babbles that punctuate my professional commentary.

Which brings me to another important reason I take care of a baby; I need to experience again, this time from an older and wiser perspective, the work-life “balance” that so many women try to pursue. This balance – actually “contest” seems the better word – is to my mind a predominantly female issue that powerfully impacts a woman’s financial planning and security.

Career-track vs. mommy-track – the debate is heated about which is the “right thing to do.” I am entirely neutral on this issue, as long as women fully understand the cost and benefits of their choices, and ways to change the equation in their favor. How many young women are aware, for example, of the research that supports the positive lifetime income effects of delaying having a baby by just a year or two? How many women are putting household income aside or insisting on setting up spousal IRAs to compensate for their lost earnings?

More than that, how many women are trying to find ways where work-life is not such an either-or proposition, but is something that really can be balanced? The number of women-owned businesses is on the rise; for many, what drives these women to open their own shops is the absence of flexibility and presence of glass-ceilings that still prevail in the traditional workplace. Other women are learning how to ask for the higher salaries they deserve, as a way to make child-care more affordable. Still other women are discriminating in favor of companies that honestly pursue female-friendly workplace policies, such as flextime, telecommuting, and shared sick leave.

As women, we need to convince ourselves and others that work-life balance does not invariably mean sacrificing both. Just because we must leave the office at 5:00 pm sharp to be at the daycare by 6:00 does not make us less ambitious or less valuable than the colleague who opens the door for the boss in the morning and is the last one in the office at night.

This is not an easy task. Even kind, open-minded employers tend to regard with skepticism a young woman candidate of childbearing age, assuming she will be “gone” in a year or two after she is hired. These employers may need reminding that Fortune 500 companies with true gender diversity among their executives had a return on equity 34 percent higher than those companies with the least diversity. (Click here to read about this study and other research confirming the trend.) They also need reminding of what you can do, what you have done, and what you will do to benefit the company. Toot your own horn in a positive, team-minded way. Own your contribution and your successes. Make yourself indispensable. If you need a bit of coaching, check out Catalyst.org and WomensMedia.org, two excellent websites dedicated to the advancement of women in the workplace.

And remember, all this you can do without showering or changing out of your sweat pants.

Categories Motherhood, Personal Finance for Women, Women work
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Final Advisor Conference Call – The Harvest

by Eleanor Blayney
September 20th, 2010

On September 17, we had our final introductory conference call with advisors who are interested in changing the conversation about personal finance for women.  Read the following summary to learn about what transpired.

Elizabeth and Eleanor shared their circle experiences in Atlanta earlier in the week. One was a meeting with financial advisors, where a hosting process called “World Café” was used to facilitate the conversation. The other was a smaller, more intimate group of women. In this case, the process and philosophy of “circle” was used for the gathering. (Click here for a summary of the Atlanta circles.)

In this final of the three scheduled conference calls with advisors, Eleanor summarized what appear to be the emerging needs and interests of the advisory community in their outreach to women:

• CIRCLE PROCESS as a way to get and keep women “in the room” to talk about money. This process is far more thoughtful and deliberate than merely having women sit in a circle and talk. It begins with the invitation, and includes selection of venue, room arrangement, conversational tools, development of questions, building conversational bridges and transitions, harvesting comments, and determining next steps.

Directions will be offering training, coaching, and guidance to advisors on the process of holding a circle, as well as other hosting techniques such as “open space” “appreciative inquiry,” and “world café.” The primary intent of these techniques is to create safe space for exploration of questions that matter.

• CONTENT. Women’s financial issues are often different from men’s as a result of biological, economic, and cultural factors. This means that the topics we focus on as advisors to women need to be different as well. To name just a few: surviving divorce and death of a spouse; maximizing workplace earnings given shorter periods of time spent working as a result of childbearing and taking care of dependents; drawing upon community resources (social capital) to supplement financial capital in retirement.

Directions will offer materials to focus on these women-centric topics, with particular attention paid to different ways to present these topics: i.e., fewer graphs and charts, more visual and oral storytelling, creating understandable and relatable context for these topics, use of metaphor and analogy.

• MARKETING AND BRANDING. Directions has achieved considerable visibility in the trade media, and has the attention of the major associations and organizations: CFP Board, FPA, and NAPFA.

Our goal at Directions is to build more recognition among women consumers and in the consumer media. Eleanor’s book Women’s Worth and its book discussion guides are targeted to women consumers, and advisors are now using these as a resource to give to clients and prospects. The three of us – Eleanor, Peg, and Elizabeth have several engagements to speak to non-professional groups of women, and we are building relationships with Money magazine, major women’s websites (such as Daily Worth, the Silver Purse, Vibrant Nation, and Women’s media. We are also now planning a much more robust website that will serve as a portal featuring content and discussions for women consumers and the ability to search for a Directions CFP professional.

The Directions brand will be built to convey to women there is a distinct community of advisors who are committed to the needs of women, the ways they think and talk about money, and their special financial issues.

• COMMUNITY. Advisors are eager to share what they know about advising women, and to learn from the successes and mistakes of others. They are also interested in relevant research that can deepen our understanding of working with women, or women subgroups – such as racial or ethnic minorities.

Directions intends to become a gateway of information and emerging data that can help advisors in their outreach to women. We will engage with experts outside of the financial world – experts such as psychologists, cultural anthropologists, narrative artists – who can help us find different and better ways to engage women. At some point, we could even play an activism role on public policy issues of key importance to women and personal finance, i.e. Social Security reform, and workplace policies affecting women employees.

In summary, Elizabeth commented that our community endeavors are gaining coherence and traction. She reiterated that the Directions Alliance is an open community for those who are interested in changing the conversation. She then opened up call to participant comments and questions.

One caller wanted to know how the vision and mission of Directions is different from the George Kinder school of Life Planning.

Elizabeth acknowledged the value of Life Planning, and the fact that both she and Peg have been trained in this approach. At the same time, she commented that many people have gone through this program and have not yet found a way to integrate this philosophy into their practices. The focus of Directions is on getting women “into the room” to talk about money by creating safe space and a supportive community. We also want to talk about things that matter most to women – how money impacts their relationships, their families and their communities.

A caller suggested that the Directions vision and practice could also be helpful for minorities as well.

We agree that there are several segments of our society that need to be financially empowered, educated, and engaged. Like women, these segments have been underserved by our profession. The circle process might be an effective and cost-efficient way to reach these populations.

Another participant agreed with the premise that women are different, and therefore need a different approach to their personal finance. Women do the lion share of taking care of children and aging parents, to the detriment of their own needs to save for retirement. “A one size fits all approach is not going to work anymore in advising these women.”

Peg commented on the fact that traditional financial planning often deals with the issue of widowhood by making sure that the husband carries enough life insurance. It has not, however, helped women prepare for being single – where and how they will live and the financial decisions they will face.

A west coast caller shared her success with “kitchen table conferences” with 8 to 10 women. She has found the “money habitude” cards to be a good tool to get the conversation started …

Another caller shared a comment made by a female prospect who learned about the Directions Alliance. The prospect was fascinated that a community around women’s financial issues was forming, and felt, in her words, “very special.”

It is this consumer awareness that Directions is working to replicate many, many times over. We believe women will react very positively to the efforts of a committed community to reach them where they are, as opposed to expecting them to come to us.

The request was made to provide the opportunity to exchange already developed materials. One advisor has written a book for widows, based on her own experience as a young widow.

The Directions website will be built out to share this kind of content with both advisors and consumers. In the meantime, we have created a LinkedIn discussion group to share these resources.

A caller mentioned her experience in holding ladies’ teas to provide women an opportunity to open up more about money and ask the questions they would not bring up in front of their husbands. She was frustrated, however, that these efforts did not seem to make a difference to women who are not the dominant partner in a marriage or partnership.

Changing the way we work with women who are part of a couple is a key priority for Directions. While it is difficult to change relational dynamics and roles, we must find ways to help women find their own financial identity without disrupting the relationship. Too often, women see money as getting in the way of their relationships, and therefore avoid it altogether to maintain harmony.

The conference was brought to a close with an acknowledgement by Eleanor of the men advisors on the call. She wanted to reiterate Directions’ intention to be a community open to ALL those who are passionate about meeting the financial needs of women.

Participants will be receiving an email giving them all the ways to link to the Directions website and the discussion group offered through LinkedIn. Those advisors who might be interested in having Directions host a circle gathering for clients or prospects can contact us at Directionsforwomen@me.com. Finally, the callers were asked to participate in a survey that Directions will be sending out via email in the next few weeks to gather information about their practices and advisory needs.

Let’s keep talking!

Categories Finding a financial planner, Personal Finance for Women
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Harvest from Our Atlanta Circles

by Eleanor Blayney
September 20th, 2010

Advisor Circle

Forty-five financial advisors gathered in a large, sunny room in Atlanta on  September 15, 2010.  They took their seats at round tables, not quite knowing what to expect!  There was a great mix of ages, both genders and a diversity of firms, experience and types of practices represented.  Everyone shared an interest in “changing the conversation” with women about money. Elizabeth Jetton, CFP® of Directions for Women and I facilitated the café.

We first asked the group to share the questions they brought into the room. Most of their questions began with the word “HOW”:  How do we get women in the room? How do we engage women who do not seem to want our help? How do we get young professional women smart about their money? How can we reach young women?  How do we work with a couple when the wife assumes everything is being handled by the husband?

We left those questions unanswered and hanging – deliberately.  These are excellent professional questions and deserve thoughtful professional answers,  but in the spirit of “changing the conversation” we wanted to advisors to experience – not just discuss – what it is like to talk about and listen to painful or awkward missteps with money. We asked them to share with a partner a story about their own money mistakes, and then reflect upon how they felt when admitting these mistakes. As Elizabeth and I walked around the room we heard a lot of nervous laughter, and the phrases “I was stupid,” “I should have known better,” “Guess I’m just human, after all…”

We then asked the planners to find new tables and conversation partners and to tell a story about overcoming a major obstacle or problem in their lives.  The planners listening then reflected back what they heard in terms of the resources brought to bear in solving the problem.  “Courage,” “Persistence,” “Honesty” were among the many resources cited.  “Money” – the resource we planners talk about most – was not mentioned.  Again there was laughter, but this time it was lighter and shared by many people.  You could feel the energy in the room.

Women’s Circle

Our evening conversation with 16 women consumers also began with a sense of palpable anxiety in the room.  They had come to the event, as far as they knew, to talk about money – and it was clear that for many of them, this was not exactly a fun or easy topic to discuss.  Unlike the advisors, most of these women did not know the other invitees, adding somewhat to their discomfort.

The women sat in a single circle and introduced themselves simply by stating their name, where they were from, and the names of the women in their lives.  The spirit of grandmothers, mothers, sisters, daughters, nieces, and granddaughters thus came into the room, as well as smiles of recognition with a shared family name or birthplace.

We used a “talking piece” which is an important tool of circle hosting to allow each participant to speak without interruption.  In this case, the talking piece was a small ball with squishy spikes that the women tossed back and forth when one had finished her share and another wanted to speak.

Our questions to the group were similar to those put to the advisors: What questions do you bring with you today?  Tell a story about a childhood experience with money and how that shows up in your life today.  Talk about a problem in your life that you overcame.  After this last topic, other members of the group commented on the resources and strengths of the storyteller.  “Courage,” “strength to face reality,”  “willingness to ask for help” were just a few of the many resources cited.

When we closed the circle by asking for final thoughts, the most frequent theme was gratitude – thankfulness for friends, abundance, for the group.  Several expressed an interest in continuing a circle conversation in the future.

Transformations

It was clear to Elizabeth and me that some powerful transformations had taken place in these two conversations with advisors and with women.  In the case of the advisors, they arrived in their professional roles, eager to learn about tools and processes they could use immediately in their practices.  They left, however, with a sense of their personal vulnerability, and a new appreciation of what their women clients often experience when it comes to the subject of money.  They also experienced a new definition of “wealth”, as not just financial assets, but the internal and social resources that can be used in the pursuit of a rich life.

In the women’s circle, the process was one of creating “safe” space.  The subject of money – which most perceived as scary, embarrassing, confusing, isolating – was transformed into an engaging exploration of attitudes and strengths.  They arrived quietly, with hesitation and their own fears about money scarcity, and left, still chatting, excited about the possibility of continuing the conversation.

One woman’s comment illustrates perfectly this transformation.  She had come to the circle at the urging of her husband, but admitted at the outset that she really had very little to say about money.  She was quiet during the open shares, but listened intently.  At the end of the evening, however, when we went around the circle for the women to offer any parting thoughts, she finally spoke.  She admitted that she had nothing to contribute earlier in the evening when we asked for childhood money memories.  But now she did remember a story about having to dole out lunch money to her younger, less responsible brother.  It seemed to be an “Aha!” moment for her, explaining her tendency to take care of everyone else, to the exclusion of her self.

“This,” she said, “is something I really want to think about…”

Click here to read more about the Circles process.

Categories Financial Confidence, Personal Finance for Women
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The Conversation Continues…

by Eleanor Blayney
September 3rd, 2010

Directions Alliance Conference Call:  September 2, 2010

We had over 140 advisors join in the discussion of our challenges and opportunities in reaching women clients.  Participants had a lot to contribute, so much so that the hour allotted to the call did not allow everyone to have a chance to speak.  We invite those who did not get a chance to share to join the Directions Alliance group on LinkedIn , and to sign up for our next conference call on Friday, September 17th at noon.  We also have  a Facebook page for the Directions Alliance, as well as a Women’s Worth page.  Please plant your ideas wherever and in whatever way works for you!

Here are the issues and ideas that brought advisors to our second call:

  • Frustration with women clients who refuse to address the fact that they are spending too much, and therefore sabotage the work of the advisor to help them reach their goals.  Is there a way to screen out such clients before we as advisors invest considerable time and effort trying to assist them?

While “denial” is certainly not exclusive to women, it may be that women are more often affected by this than men.  As part of Directions’ mission to educate women, we should consider ways to educate them how to be better financial planning clients.

  • Circles are a great way to create “safe space” for women to start talking about their money issues.  How, specifically, can we deal with the shame that often prevents women from fully engaging?  So often, they are embarrassed and unwilling to admit the mistakes they have made.

We will be reporting back from our Atlanta prototype consumer circle to discuss ideas for getting “women into the room.”  Scripts for conducting these circles, ways of creating inviting invitations to circle, and techniques for disarming the shame that so often constrains women will be developed.  One participant remembered her experience of consciousness-raising groups during the feminist days of the 70s, and how these groups were successful in getting women to share all sorts of information about themselves.  What can we learn from the format and purpose of these groups to help us in our “Empowerment” mission?  Another participant mentioned her success in holding financial planning groups in a library, as a women-friendly place, and one that has the advantage of cutting across all economic strata.

Related to the issue of safety in circles are issues of compliance, specifically confidentiality and privacy.  What measures can be taken to assure participants that their information remains private?  From a compliance point of view, it would seem that the same rules that apply to seminars or other public gatherings would be relevant. However,  callers were invited to share any specific compliance constraints that they are dealing with.  It is suggested that ground rules be established for any circle conversation, as well as using first names only on name tags or in introductions.

  • Why have the numbers of women advisors (specifically CFP®s) stayed so stubbornly low, at approximately 1 in 4?  Some very preliminary data indicates that almost as many women as men are enrolled in financial planning programs at colleges and universities.  What, then, explains the gap which exists at the practice level?

There has been some expressed interest in pursuing this question as a research project undertaken or sponsored by the Directions Alliance.

One participant, a financial advisor who is African-American, is interested in taking this research on the demographics of the advisory community one step further, and exploring the issues faced by advisors (as well as clients) who are members of racial or ethnic minorities.  Another participant commented that the FPA is taking the issue of diversity very seriously, and she is now reviewing 19 applications for a diversity scholarship that her local chapter is awarding.

  • Some advisors have seminars that are prepared and approved by their RIA firms or broker-dealers.  Can these seminars be used to engage women, or are circles the better way to go?

One of the principles of circles is the willingness to let participants determine their own agenda and outcomes, with the circle facilitator maintaining certain rules to keep it open and safe.  In this respect, circles are indeed a different way to engage women, and have a purpose and a “feel” that is very different than a seminar.  As advisors, we may be most helpful by first becoming good listeners, before we attempt to teach or educate.

  • There were several comments on the topic of whether it makes sense to target a particular age group or demographic for a circle.  One caller mentioned an educational session she ran for a company, in which it was the 20-somethings who were most willing to talk, while older women (50s-60s) were generally silent.

Certainly these cohort differences are important as we invite women into circle conversations; at the same time, one of the philosophical principles of circle hosting is that whoever shows up is exactly the right person to take part in the conversation.

  • “WHAT ABOUT ME?”  A comment was made about a national TV and print advisor who has immense following, but leaves many women feeling that she is not talking to them or about their particular circumstances.

When advice is delivered unilaterally from expert to consumer, this  feeling of being unseen and unheard often results.  This is why an invitation to share stories and thoughts in a conversational setting can work so powerfully.  When women are invited to speak whatever is on their minds, they also feel heard.

Time ran out, long before the ideas did.  Please keep the conversation going online and  as we meet at national conferences.

Our commitment at the Directions Alliance is to take action together on these great ideas and to help advisors improve their outreach to women.  We will be holding a final conference call, to continue our exploration of the important issues on advisors’ minds, on September 17th at noon EDT.  If you have not yet reserved your place, and wish to do so, please send an email to directionsforwomen@me.com.

The next phase of our important work lies ahead:  creating the agenda for our work together, and developing the tools, materials, strategies, and coaching for advisors passionate about changing the personal finance conversation for women.

Stay tuned!

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