Financial Confidence :: Directions For Women

Financial Confidence

what does financial empowerment look like?

May 18th, 2012

There’s actually no single correct answer to that question. In fact, the answer is different for everyone. But we would like to help you begin envisioning what it will look like for you.

Our mission: to empower, educate and engage women around the topic of money.

Here are some ideas from the women at Directions:

I learn from my financial mistakes.
I know I will have enough because I am enough.
I am able to set and make progress toward financial goals.
I can talk about money with those I care about.
I know enough to make good financial decisions.
I know my value in the marketplace and can ask for it.
I understand that taking care of myself financially is just as important as taking care of others.
I spend money in a way that honors my values and responsibilities.
I may choose to delegate, but not abdicate, responsibility for managing my money.
When I have questions or fears about money, I speak up and get the support and answers I need.

Other ideas? What does being financially empowered mean to you? Let us know in the comment section below. Your shares will undoubtedly help others think about this important issue.

Looking for resources to help you get empowered? Visit our free resources by clicking here.

do women need financial “fix-its?”

by Eleanor Blayney

March 30th, 2012

There is a memorable Bob Newhart skit where he plays a psychiatrist meeting for the first time with a woman who nervously confesses her problems with claustrophobia, bulimia, and relationships. Newhart is not your classic Freudian shrink who stares into space, saying nothing. In fact, he actually has some advice for his client, which he summarizes in just two words:

“STOP IT!”

When the flabbergasted woman just stares at him, he drives his recommendation home by spelling it: “S-T-O-P new word I-T!!!”

Session over, mission accomplished, slam bam thank you ma’am.

Like all classic humor, the sketch is funny because it depicts a fundamental truth. When women ask for advice, they are often not asking for solutions but acceptance. And when men give advice, they focus on eliminating the problem, not analyzing its origins. How many times have you come home from a bad day, complaining about a workmate, a traffic snarl, an uncooperative team? Your husband or partner will listen for a minute and then feel compelled to fix it, as soon as possible. “You just gotta work around him/it/them,” he opines, grabbing for the remote. He sees the problem as solved, while you feel that he hasn’t heard a word you’ve said.

Financial planning can be a “fix-it” discipline, and as a CFP® practitioner, I’ve always enjoyed solving problems. And I’ll admit, there are some problems that seem to require a “STOP IT!” response. Spending too much? Not willing to take any investment risk? Putting off completing that questionnaire for the estate planning attorney? Just stop doing what you’re doing, and everything will be fine.

But the logic and simplicity of such advice has, to my knowledge, never changed behavior. It has, in fact, almost lost me two clients, one whom I told to stop spending money on eating out, the other whom I advised to stop buying shoes. Their flabbergasted response told me that I did not get it. I was advocating eliminating the tip of the iceberg, leaving the real and much greater issues submerged, threatening to sink their financial ship.

I certainly learned from those early mistakes, and now know that my job is to listen, deeply and thoughtfully, long before I offer advice. I’ve learned that women need to be heard, and accepted, before they need to be fixed. Often, they feel isolated with their financial issues, and need reassurance that others share their situation, that they are pretty average when it comes to their worries about money. In this way, they differ from men. She wants to know that she is “the same as” whereas he wants to know if he is “better than.”

When choosing a financial planner, you want, of course, experience and expertise. You want commitment to an ethical code of standards. But there is another “E” prerequisite you should be looking for: Empathy. On your first visit to interview a prospective advisor, who does most of the talking? Are you offered answers before you have posed all the questions? Do you leave the advisor’s office relieved because the interview is over, or because you have found a safe place to become more financially competent? When you return for a second visit, is it clear that the planner has reflected upon and digested all that you shared in your first meeting?

Sometimes we want professionals who are all business and completely focused on their skills. I, for instance, don’t want my attorney to be my pal. A bit of bedside manner works well in doctors, but if I get more than 10 minutes worth, I begin to feel uncomfortable. When it comes to money management, however, our emotional assets and liabilities are just as important as our financial inventory, and may have a greater impact on our ability to be financially successful than a six-figure 401(k).

Here’s some advice if you’re meeting with an advisor who does more talking than listening. Just tell him or her to “Stop It!” It’s your turn to speak.

For more information on the process of finding the right financial advisor for you, click here to read Eleanor’s article, How to Find a Financial Planner.

Categories Financial Confidence, Finding a financial planner, Personal Finance for Women
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love & money: codependent, independent, or interdependent?

by Eleanor Blayney

February 9th, 2012

I saw a cartoon some time back which showed a pie chart of a man’s brain. About 20% of the male brain is taken up with thoughts of work, another 20% goes to sports. There’s a small sliver for his car, and another for miscellaneous, leaving a full 60% that’s “preoccupied” (that’s the only word for it!) with sex.

It would be hard to render a similar cartoon for a woman. For one thing, we are notorious for multi-tasking, which is to say, we are able to think (and do) many things at once. Add up all the things we think about and tend to in a given day, and you get off-the-chart, superwoman numbers like 150% or 200%.

At the same time, we – like men – are often accused of having one-track minds. If they are guilty of thinking non-stop about sex, then our default setting would have to be on relationships, or if we are currently in one, THE Relationship.

Perhaps this is why love and money become so often a source of confusion and turmoil for us. When we’re quarreling about finances with our sweetie, there is often a subtext to our spats. He may be yelling about the overdrawn bank account – or perhaps you are doing the yelling – but in both cases, you are probably thinking he does not care about you or your feelings. In short, to a woman’s way of thinking, money troubles spell relationship troubles.

From here, it’s but a short step – which many women have taken – to identifying money with love. Having plenty of the first means having enough of the second. It is my firm conviction that “bag lady” fears, prevalent even among affluent women, are less about the possibility of running out of money than running out of love. What scares us most is that those shuffling, shapeless bag ladies are always alone.

Throughout most of history, women have had to rely on men for economic survival. We were responsible for making the meals and keeping the house, while men were responsible for providing them. Not all that long ago, women could not own assets in their own names: they were themselves the assets deeded to men via marriage, along with a few cows or linens thrown in for good measure.

Our economic environment has changed profoundly in the last forty years. Out of self-esteem as well as necessity, women have left the household cave in increasing numbers to club a few bison of their own. According to a recent survey by the Pew Research Center, approximately 22% of women now outearn their spouses, up from 4% in 1970.

This economic upheaval – or progress, depending on your point of view – has further complicated the intersection between love and money for many of us. Now that we have jobs and minds of our own, should our money be separate, too? What happens if he’s good at managing the money, and we’d prefer to be doing something else? What about those lingering, comfy feelings we get when someone takes care of us?

Our responses to these questions can run the psychological gamut, indicating at one extreme that we are financially “codependent” on our partners, to being completely financially separate at the other. Here, from my perspective as a financial planner, is what these states often look like:

Financial Codependence:
Sometimes my coupled women clients tell me that they work just fine with their significant others when it comes to money. A bit of probing often reveals, however, that this means that all financial control has been ceded to their partners. He not only handles the money, but does all the thinking about it, too. She calls this reliance “trust” which is fine, until it isn’t. A divorce, separation, or death can leave her financially, as well as emotionally, unmoored, not knowing where to turn or what to do.

Signs of unhealthy financial codependence can include:

Not knowing how your assets are titled
Having just a vague idea of what your net worth is, based primarily on what your partner tells you
Spending just as long as it takes to sign your name on your joint tax return
Asking your partner to find a financial advisor, and begging off some of the meetings with this advisor.

Financial Independence:
If a woman is working full-time, she likely has achieved some measure of financial independence, even if every bit of her salary is going into joint household accounts. This is because the benefits she acquires in the workplace – retirement plans, disability coverage, life insurance – will always be in her name only: they cannot, in other words, be titled with another individual. In the case of retirement plans, however, she may not have complete discretion about her choice of beneficiary; most non-IRA retirement plans require that a spouse be named as beneficiary, unless the spouse waives this right in writing.

Beyond this “automatic” separation of retirement assets and workplace benefits, a woman who has acquired assets before marriage may reasonably choose to keep these resources separate from her spouse, according her spouse the same independence with respect to his assets. For a woman who marries later in ife, or acquires stepchildren in the marriage, or has her own children from a previous union, this segregation of net worth is usually necessary to assure that her wealth is not transferred to the “wrong” beneficiaries, should she predecease her spouse.

It is possible, however, for a woman’s financial independence within a relationship to go too far. One instance is the private stash that a woman keeps hidden from her partner, when she is not actually planning to leave the relationship. There is, in fact, a new popular term for such secret stashes: “financial infidelity.”

Sometimes both partners take financial independence too far. I have worked with couples who attempt to maintain their financial autonomy by allocating every expense between them, usually based on a formula that reflects their unequal incomes. He makes twice as much as her, so he pays 2/3 of the mortgage from his checking account, while she writes a second check for 1/3 from hers. While logical and equitable, at least initially, this can result in tedious, not always friendly, end-of-month settlement sessions where money is being transferred between the spouses to settle the score. At tax time, they ask their accountant to prepare the tax returns as though they were filing singly and then use these calculations to determine what each is entitled to from the refund on their joint tax return. Perfectly fair, perhaps, but is the time and expense of keeping two books for the household really worth it?

Financial interdependence:
Between codependence and complete independence lies a healthy balance, namely financial interdependence. This results when couples establish shared goals and priorities, before they think about dividing assets and expenses. Joint accounts are then established to fund these goals, and each partner contributes to these accounts, ideally in an equal amount, and not necessarily based on relative ability to pay.

The couple also acknowledges that an economic union does exist, and that there are material benefits to such a union, as opposed to a simple and easily dismantled “shared overhead” arrangement. Both partners financially rely on one another, while also recognizing that at any time, each must be prepared to be financially responsible for his or her own self.

There can also be room within this interdependence to allow differences in financial styles. She’s a saver, and he’s a spender? Once the joint goals and household expenses are paid, and there’s any money left over, then it may be time for the couple to divvy up the remains and go their separate ways. She gets to save, and he gets to spend, without having to check in with the other about the use of extra money.

As a relationship expert might say — and this financial advisor would concur — there is nothing like a measure of separateness to make hearts, as well as finances, grow stronger.

An earlier version of this article was posted on WomensMedia.com.

Categories Financial Confidence, Women work
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this generation is leaving Neverland

by Peg Downey, CFP®

January 26th, 2012

You know how we love an inspirational story! Well, this one has true fairy tale quality, but with a slightly different ending, as the princess rides her own horse into the sunset. It’s the story of Syble Solomon, who happens to be our next webinar presenter on February 13. She’s come a long way and is now changing the conversation between women and money.

“The first time I sat down with a financial advisor I was 41 — and it was a big step for me. Although my husband and I discussed our investments, I felt incompetent and took no responsibility for decision-making. I was caught in Neverland — sounding assertive like a modern woman, while acting out my role as Cinderella, letting Prince Charming rescue me and take care of our finances. Old messages are hard to shake!

“Our financial advisor sat at our kitchen table and addressed all his comments to my husband. He rarely made eye contact with me, and his tone implied that my questions and input were inconsequential. In response to his dismissiveness, I sat there silently like a good girl and didn’t confront him. I’m sure his actions were unconscious. He never would have believed his behavior unless it had been caught on ‘Candid Camera.’

“Years later, I decided that blooming late was better than not blooming at all, so I set out on my own to find a financial advisor. Whether attending introductory meetings or meeting one-on-one, it felt like the advisors were trying to convince me with their graphs and numbers that this was all too complicated for me to understand. Not a good start for someone who wants to feel in control!”*

Spurred on by these initial experiences, Syble Solomon long ago left Neverland and became an executive coach and speaker about the psychology of money. She now routinely recommends that her coaching clients work with a financial advisor. “Money is a metaphor for life,” she writes, and when people feel comfortable and confident about the way they manage their money, they feel more comfortable and confident in their life.” Syble is the creator of Money Habitudes™, the deck of cards used by financial advisors, consultants and counselors to identify how our relationship with money can support and sabotage our life and financial goals.

Advisors: We encourage you to learn more about the money psychology of women and join us for Syble’s webinar, when she’s nodding “yes,” but meaning “no” on February 13.

For more about Syble and her company, visit her website www.moneyhabitudes.com.

* Excerpted from Syble’s article How to attract and retain women clients.

Categories Financial Confidence, Women and Finance
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money musings from a marathon

by Eleanor Blayney

January 3rd, 2012

In October, I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in Washington, DC.

Call it a “runner’s high,” or chalk it up to trying to distract myself from my painful feet, but I spent much of those five-plus hours in deep philosophical thought. I thought about the courage of our military, as I studied the faces and dates of too-short lives emblazoned on the backs of so many runners. I thought about the dedication of the spectators, who not only waited for several chilly hours to catch a 10-second view of their runner, but also propelled 19,999 other runners to the finish with their motivating and humorous signs. My favorite: “26.2 miles? Because 26.3 would just be crazy!!”

Inevitably, I also thought about my work as a CFP® professional. I’ve always enjoyed helping clients help themselves when it comes to financial security, but during that run, I found myself needing my own advice. I realized that getting through a marathon is not all that different from successfully navigating the long-distance journey we call life. So here’s what Eleanor the financial planner told Eleanor the runner, as together we paced through the 26.2 (but not 26.3!) miles.

Both long and short-term goals are important:
There are times when the long-term goal – be it finishing a marathon or getting that retirement account adequately funded – just seems too distant or too overwhelming. I certainly felt that way at mile 18, and so, I expect, do younger adults trying to pay off debt and raise a family, or older Americans watching their stalled 401(k) balances in a stagnant economy. At times like these, it may be best to focus on more manageable short-term goals: getting the highest interest rate debt paid off, working for a year or two longer than you planned, keeping up the pace to the next water stop. Short-term progress has a way of accumulating into long-term success.

Expect – and plan for – setbacks.
From my vantage as a marathoner, these setbacks appeared as training injuries (bad knee, followed by sciatic pain), blistered feet on marathon day, and the potential for terrible weather. I prepared for these by extending my training to include downtime, carrying moleskin on my run, and not trying to be a hero. I told myself if it rained or snowed on race day (as it had the day before), I would wait till next year and try again. These same precautions, in the context of financial planning, translate to: starting your financial planning early, even before you think you need it; getting all the appropriate insurance coverage for your assets and income; and being prepared to revise your goals and strategies in the face of adverse circumstances.

Success is all about budgeting.
Only in a never-land of infinite energy and limitless resources is it possible to ignore the necessity of budgeting. For the rest of us – runners, couch potatoes, employees, retirees – we have to pay attention to the basic physics of what comes in and what goes out. If outflow exceeds inflow for too long a period, you will hit the proverbial wall. For the marathoner, this happens when she starts the course too fast, or fails to take in enough hydration and calories along the way. For those hoping one day to retire, or educate their kids, or leave a financial legacy, this happens when they spend everything as soon as they get it, or worse, spend it ahead of getting it. It’s extremely difficult, if not impossible, to recover from these situations. Unfortunately, no one was offering me an energy advance at mile 20, just as there are few commercial loans to help out-of-pocket retirees make it to the end of their lives.

It wasn’t until the finish of my run that I discovered the most powerful similarity of all between marathoning and financial planning: once you have done it, you’ll feel like a million dollars! Do the financial part, and you may in fact someday have that million dollars. It all begins with that first intentional step.

Excerpted from Eleanor Blayney’s guest blog for Financial Finesse.

Categories Financial Confidence, Women and Finance
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my first money club

by Carol Lee Roberts, CFP®, CDFA

October 27th, 2011

I recently moved to the Baltimore area and was interested in building a financial planning practice targeting women. But to be honest, I had very few ideas how to do this. Unfortunately I was not aware of the resources available at Directions for Women at the time.

I began doing some internet searches and talking to planners that I knew. Almost everyone agreed that there was a definite need for women-focused planning and also agreed that they would not know where to begin. I finally stumbled across the Woman’s Institute for Financial Education and from there visited Money Clubs. Both sites were helpful in reaffirming my belief that women were looking for a way to reach out to one another to discuss their financial concerns. And, the Money Club site also provided some ideas on how to structure the meetings and topics. This provided me a starting point, but I ended up personalizing the meetings and my approach. I was looking for something different from the Money Club structure and an approach that was unique to both the women invited and me.

Our first meeting was held in the office conference room and I served beverages and a selection of cookies. I am not sure who was more nervous, the ladies invited or me. We all took a deep breath and decided we would hope for the best and discuss finances – out loud and with strangers. We started with simple introductions, who we were and what we hoped to get out of the meetings. It was almost immediately a lively conversation with relative strangers opening up like old friends. I remember one participant saying that she hoped I would start another group soon because she had friends that could benefit from these types of conversations. I suggested she bring her friends to the next meeting and she laughed and explained she would never discuss money in front of her friends or neighbors.

Let me take a minute to explain the makeup of our little group. We have a variety of ages from late twenties to retirement. Everyone has worked outside of the home although some have not been the primary wage earner. We have single, married, divorced, widowed, childless, mothers, grandmothers and every stage of life and wealth accumulation you can imagine. And we are a group of about ten. I believe the diversity of the group adds to the richness of the conversations. At that first meeting, I asked for suggestions of topics that the group would like to tackle in our monthly meetings.

So far, we have had a meeting dedicated to retirement planning and a discussion of the variety of retirement planning vehicles that are available. We invited an expert on reverse mortgages to come and talk to the group and answer our questions. A local estate planning attorney came to one meeting to explain the importance of wills, trusts and answer questions about wills and probate. Next month we are having a personal organizer come in to give up some tips on ways to organize our important documents and home offices.

Looking back on the last six months, I can see a lot of ways that I could have improved on our initial meetings. And I echo the suggestion that having the participants take ownership of the topics and meetings would make the experience more fulfilling for all concerns. And, I appreciate the patience and willingness of my first group of guinea pigs to embark on this curious adventure with me.

But I think the most important thing I have learned to date is that each meeting of this group enriches me far more than it possibly benefits them. This monthly meeting has been an important first step to teach me how to change the conversation about money for my women clients.

I sincerely believe the entire experience would have been better for all if I were more prepared and not “winging” it. The importance of knowing how to make it a comfortable experience for all, when to talk and when to respect the silence, how to make a circle. I intend to start another group now that I have returned to Chicago, but before I do, I am going to participate in the Directions webinar series on Circle Training.

For more information about Carol Lee, you can email her: cleeroberts@sbcglobal.net.

Categories Financial Confidence, Personal Finance for Women
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Women Wielding Words

by Eleanor Blayney

May 10th, 2011

“The pen is mightier than the sword.” Now there’s an aphorism that shows its age, at least in my experience. Search as I may, I can never get my hands on either implement in times of crisis.

But in its less literal sense, the wisdom of the phrase is still relevant: words can be a powerful weapon, especially in the battle of the budget. Consider for example the word “No!” Uttered in a stern voice, to one’s children or oneself, in the grocery store or in the mall, this one little word can save you bundles.

At times, however, we need to string a few more words together, and put them in writing, to accomplish the same worthy goal.

Very recently, I was reviewing my AMEX business account and noticed a charge for renewing an internet service that I had not, to my recollection, authorized. I asked Candice, my indispensable IT and everything-else person, to look into this and to cancel the renewal, as it was no longer needed. The next thing I know a very curt email lands in my box, saying that no refund can be issued, and reminding me that when I signed up for the service online a year ago, I had authorized an automatic annual renewal. After all, this was “clearly stated” (as in “buried in the fine print”) as the fifth condition of the online contract. Anyone else like me who just checks the “Accept” box without reading all that legal stuff?

An automatic and very loud “NO!” from me sent my bewildered golden retriever scurrying away with her tail between her legs. I was not going to let them get away with this. Absent my sword — which I still could not find — I fired up my keyboard and took aim with a strongly worded email to “Customer Support.”

I will spare you my powerful rhetoric only to say that a BA in English can be handier than an MBA when it comes to scoring a money win. Within the hour, Customer Support capitulated, brandishing a white flag. My money would be refunded.

These “stealth fees” have become epidemic in our recent economy, as everyone is searching for ways to increase revenue. I’ve lost count of the number of times extra cable channels have snuck onto my Verizon bill, only to be unceremoniously expelled in my now monthly phone call to the phone company. The speed with which these fees are eliminated as “errors” upon a word or two from me makes me suspect that they are mistakes only in cases where they are detected. For the untold numbers of subscribers who do not read their phone bills, those fees are probably paying the bonus of some smart management trainee.

In short, words can make a difference to your financial management. Failure to pay attention to the words buried in your bills or the fine print of contracts can cost. On the other hand, the words you use with vendors or service providers can pay. A well-written email, or a carefully prepared phone request, asking them to reconsider the terms of their agreements or refund policies, brings results more often than you might think. I have found the phrase “It may be your policy, but it is not good business,” to be very effective, particularly when delivered to someone at the policy-making level.

Which brings me to my last point about the power of language as a financial management tool: namely, it pays to negotiate the price and terms of just about every service or product that is not a commodity. Negotiation, in turn, takes careful attention to language: to word choice, syntax, timing, and emphasis. It takes thinking through your position, anticipating the response, and creating a compelling counter-offer. It requires, in another words, conviction and skillful communication.

Women are notoriously inept negotiators, not because they are poor communicators, but because they are afraid to ask –- afraid to ask for more pay, for a better deal, for reconsideration of terms. Their eagerness to please can cost them real money. You’ve no doubt heard the saying, “Nice girls finish last”? We should toss than one out, along with our swords, and give currency to another expression:

Articulate women finish first.

Categories Financial Confidence
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Owning Emotion!

by Eleanor Blayney

April 3rd, 2011

“You are SO emotional!” How many times do women hear this from their significant or even insignificant others?

I’ll be the first to confess that this description has been leveled at me, more than once, by various business colleagues during my career. Each time, it was not intended as a compliment nor even as a neutral comment, such as might be made about the weather. Rather, the implicit message was that emotionality was somehow unprofessional – the antithesis of rationality and cool judgment. In other words, to be a better manager and advisor, I needed to pull myself together.

Leaving aside hormonal bursts of emotion, such as those induced by PMS or menopause (even I will admit those particular storms can be a bit much), I do not agree with the notion that emotion somehow scatters our wits or dissipates our effectiveness as professionals. If anything, access to our feelings is a hallmark of psychological wholeness and balance. Those who suppress their feelings, or deny they even exist, are – dare I level back? — the ones in need of self integration, of pulling themselves together. Me, I am quite happy sitting between feelings and facts, and find quite often that wisdom emerges when the two start shouting at one another.

The field of personal finance was originally constructed on a foundation of rationality: the premise is that individuals manage their money dispassionately and sensibly, seeking either to grow their monetary wealth or to protect it. Behavioral finance – a latecomer to the table – arrived to assert that humans, who may share 98% of their DNA with long-armed tree dwellers, are not as buttoned-down or logical as the financial theorists once assumed. Through close observation of people’s choices (such as buying winning stocks and selling losers, or the decision to play golf on Sunday rather than go to a movie with the wife), behaviorists have concluded that individuals often do not act in their own best interest. They use, in other words, certain mental short cuts that lead them far off the straight and narrow path of rationality.

While behavioral finance can be a great source of “people-do-the-darnedest-things” anecdotes and a welcome counterpoint to rationalism, it still, in my opinion, fails to give human emotion its due in the realm of personal finances. Instead, it focuses on the “illogic” of homo sapient decision-making, which implicitly suggests that logic and rationality are more highly valued than the delightful monkey-messiness of being human. Indeed, many advisors use the observations of behavioral finance as “advisories” to their clients. For example, they will explain to clients the behaviorial “availability heuristic” – which leads to the notion that what’s happening in the stock market today will also happen tomorrow – as an example of what NOT to assume when investing.

We have yet to fully acknowledge, even celebrate, the importance and power of emotions when it comes to finance. Far from leading us astray, these emotions provide us information and guidance that can vastly improve the way we understand and advise others when it comes to money. As David Brooks, a New York Times columnist, recently wrote in an op-ed on the new humanism, “Emotion is not opposed to reason; our emotions assign value to things and are the basis of reason” (underline mine).

Brooks is talking in his essay about government policies, but his use of the word “value” puts me instantly in mind of personal finance as well. What he is saying to me, even if his message was otherwise directed, is that emotions and financial value are intimately and importantly aligned. Get rid of the emotions, and we have no basis for our interactions with money. Prices of goods and services can be denominated in dollars, and set by exchange rates, market makers, central banks, and economists, but it is ultimately our feelings and reactions of fear, anger, well-being, and compassion that inform our choice of those goods and services.

Helping women understand money and gain financial confidence is not about eliminating their emotions, but going straight to their core. Women are indeed an emotional gender, and have always relied on those trustworthy emotions to guide us as mothers, sisters, and friends; as community activists, as consensus builders, as the primary ministers to and providers of basic human needs: for education, healthcare, care for dependents. Emotional outbursts may find no place on Wall Street, but elsewhere in the world, these eruptions are changing the global order and are the occasion for getting important work done.

Let it be said: as women, we are rich in emotions! It is high time we understand and appreciate this wealth as it pertains to our decisions and choices about money.

Categories Financial Confidence, Women work
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what does it mean to change the conversation?

by Eleanor Blayney

January 11th, 2011

In light of our subscription program for advisors, we are taking a moment to review some of the basics of our initiative.
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We talk a lot about changing the conversation about personal finance for women. But why is this important, and what does it mean?

It’s important because women have been underserved by the financial services sector. Many report being patronized or intimidated by financial advisors. If they are part of a couple, they may feel unheard as a result of the discussion being pitched primarily to their spouses or partners. Many don’t feel ready for the challenge of personal financial management, having grown up without examples of mothers who worked or who were responsible for the important household financial decisions.

It’s important to change the conversation because women are rapidly gaining in economic power. They are in the workforce to stay, and have accumulated assets of their own. They are the inheritors of wealth because of their longer life spans. To survive and thrive, financial advisors have to figure out better ways of reaching women. They must realize that the traditional male-defined ways of doing business are not going to work. Women aren’t that interested in the competitive game of money with its constantly changing roster of winners and losers. They are interested in what money can do for their families, for their communities and networks, for their lives.

Changing the conversation will involve a shift in emphasis and delivery rather than a wholesale discarding of subject matter. We still need to talk about investments, debt management, tax reduction, and retirement plans with our clients. There will still be topics that are technical and complicated – estate planning comes immediately to mind – which we must make sure women understand, even when they are totally uninterested or overwhelmed.

Here are just some of the ways that Directions for Women would like to change the conversation about personal finance:

Advisors would talk to women clients:

Less about being rich, more about being enriched
Less about price, more about value
Less about balance sheets, more about balance
Less about transactions, more about engagement
Less about financial capital, more about social and human capital

These conversations would take place more often at kitchen tables, and less often in formal conference rooms. Advisors would tell more life stories, and present fewer graphs and charts.

Most importantly of all, advisors would listen more, and talk less.

Categories Financial Confidence, Personal Finance for Women
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Harvest from Our Atlanta Circles

by Eleanor Blayney

September 20th, 2010

Advisor Circle

Forty-five financial advisors gathered in a large, sunny room in Atlanta on September 15, 2010. They took their seats at round tables, not quite knowing what to expect! There was a great mix of ages, both genders and a diversity of firms, experience and types of practices represented. Everyone shared an interest in “changing the conversation” with women about money. Elizabeth Jetton, CFP® of Directions for Women and I facilitated the café.

We first asked the group to share the questions they brought into the room. Most of their questions began with the word “HOW”: How do we get women in the room? How do we engage women who do not seem to want our help? How do we get young professional women smart about their money? How can we reach young women? How do we work with a couple when the wife assumes everything is being handled by the husband?

We left those questions unanswered and hanging – deliberately. These are excellent professional questions and deserve thoughtful professional answers, but in the spirit of “changing the conversation” we wanted to advisors to experience – not just discuss – what it is like to talk about and listen to painful or awkward missteps with money. We asked them to share with a partner a story about their own money mistakes, and then reflect upon how they felt when admitting these mistakes. As Elizabeth and I walked around the room we heard a lot of nervous laughter, and the phrases “I was stupid,” “I should have known better,” “Guess I’m just human, after all…”

We then asked the planners to find new tables and conversation partners and to tell a story about overcoming a major obstacle or problem in their lives. The planners listening then reflected back what they heard in terms of the resources brought to bear in solving the problem. “Courage,” “Persistence,” “Honesty” were among the many resources cited. “Money” – the resource we planners talk about most – was not mentioned. Again there was laughter, but this time it was lighter and shared by many people. You could feel the energy in the room.

Women’s Circle

Our evening conversation with 16 women consumers also began with a sense of palpable anxiety in the room. They had come to the event, as far as they knew, to talk about money – and it was clear that for many of them, this was not exactly a fun or easy topic to discuss. Unlike the advisors, most of these women did not know the other invitees, adding somewhat to their discomfort.

The women sat in a single circle and introduced themselves simply by stating their name, where they were from, and the names of the women in their lives. The spirit of grandmothers, mothers, sisters, daughters, nieces, and granddaughters thus came into the room, as well as smiles of recognition with a shared family name or birthplace.

We used a “talking piece” which is an important tool of circle hosting to allow each participant to speak without interruption. In this case, the talking piece was a small ball with squishy spikes that the women tossed back and forth when one had finished her share and another wanted to speak.

Our questions to the group were similar to those put to the advisors: What questions do you bring with you today? Tell a story about a childhood experience with money and how that shows up in your life today. Talk about a problem in your life that you overcame. After this last topic, other members of the group commented on the resources and strengths of the storyteller. “Courage,” “strength to face reality,” “willingness to ask for help” were just a few of the many resources cited.

When we closed the circle by asking for final thoughts, the most frequent theme was gratitude – thankfulness for friends, abundance, for the group. Several expressed an interest in continuing a circle conversation in the future.

Transformations

It was clear to Elizabeth and me that some powerful transformations had taken place in these two conversations with advisors and with women. In the case of the advisors, they arrived in their professional roles, eager to learn about tools and processes they could use immediately in their practices. They left, however, with a sense of their personal vulnerability, and a new appreciation of what their women clients often experience when it comes to the subject of money. They also experienced a new definition of “wealth”, as not just financial assets, but the internal and social resources that can be used in the pursuit of a rich life.

In the women’s circle, the process was one of creating “safe” space. The subject of money – which most perceived as scary, embarrassing, confusing, isolating – was transformed into an engaging exploration of attitudes and strengths. They arrived quietly, with hesitation and their own fears about money scarcity, and left, still chatting, excited about the possibility of continuing the conversation.

One woman’s comment illustrates perfectly this transformation. She had come to the circle at the urging of her husband, but admitted at the outset that she really had very little to say about money. She was quiet during the open shares, but listened intently. At the end of the evening, however, when we went around the circle for the women to offer any parting thoughts, she finally spoke. She admitted that she had nothing to contribute earlier in the evening when we asked for childhood money memories. But now she did remember a story about having to dole out lunch money to her younger, less responsible brother. It seemed to be an “Aha!” moment for her, explaining her tendency to take care of everyone else, to the exclusion of her self.

“This,” she said, “is something I really want to think about…”

Click here to read more about the Circles process.

Categories Financial Confidence, Personal Finance for Women
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