Finding a financial planner

an advisor is like a great pair of shoes

by Eleanor Blayney
August 16th, 2011

"Like a great pair of shoes, the best advisory relationship has to fit without pinching, has to make you feel good and stand tall, and has to carry you exactly where you want to go."

For those of us considering hiring a financial advisor, there is a bit of mystery – and maybe even pressure – in finding “the one.” After all, the goal is for this engagement to become a long-term relationship that is successful in achieving your goals. The problem is we may not understand how to get the best results from a financial planning engagement, or what results we might reasonably expect.

At a Directions-led circle of financial advisors discussing our experiences with women clients, one participant summed it up as follows:  “It seems my very best and my very worst clients are women.” Why are women so polarized on an advisor’s client list, taking up both the best and worst spots? We believe every woman has what it takes to be successful in her finances and in her relationship with an advisor.

So which clients enjoy the most mutually fulfilling relationships with their advisors? More importantly, how can you get the most out of your relationship with a financial planner or advisor?

Here’s what you’d hear from advisors themselves:

  • Become part of a winning team. Think about it, what does it take to win?  Diligence. Clear goals. An understanding between teammates. Mutual respect. If you are one of the many women who tend to be prefer collaboration over working alone, you may be just the client an advisor is looking for.

  • Understand the true value a financial professional provides.  If you are an inveterate bargain shopper who uses price as the primary criterion in a purchase decision, then you are likely to be either shocked by the fees for comprehensive planning and advice, or very disappointed when you get only what you are willing to pay for:  ie., a service of little to no value.  There are unfortunately no knock-offs when it comes to good financial advice, and the real value is oftentimes in avoiding costly, even ruinous mistakes, as opposed to getting a deal.  There is value, too, in the accessibility of the advisor and the continuity of the advice over time.

  • Don’t mistake investment performance as a reliable indicator of an advisor’s value.  How you feel about your finances when working with an advisor is a far better measure.  A sense of confidence that the advisor is helping you to make good financial decisions, keeping you informed, and “has your back” in times of financial crisis is worth much more than an extra ½ percent of return over a benchmark.

  • You’re the boss – after all, it’s your money and financial life.  But this doesn’t mean your advisor should do all the work, no matter how much you dislike anything to do with money.  Some women hire advisors the way they might hire a cleaning person or lawn service: they don’t want to be there or get involved to get the work done.  But good financial advisors are more like personal trainers or coaches than they are like contractors:  they can help you get into and maintain financial fitness, but only if you participate.  You must, in other words, show up!  Show up for meetings.  Speak up in those meetings, even if you are there with a partner who is the designated driver of your finances.  Do the necessary homework, whether it’s finding important records, or following through on a referral to an attorney or insurance agent.  Ask for the necessary context and explanations so you are able to understand the alternatives presented to you, rather than letting the advisor do whatever he or she thinks best.  Just as you cannot delegate away the responsibility for your physical health, you cannot let someone else do all the work of keeping you financially healthy.

  • Speak up, early and often, about what you need from your advisor, what you want, what you like and don’t like, and how you want to be treated.  Do you need more education in order to be involved in the decision-making?  Ask for it.  Do you want to be called before an investment transaction is made?  Say so.  Would you like to meet your advisor at your home, rather than at the office?  Suggest this alternative.  Do you find email messages overwhelming and annoying?  Tell your advisor to phone you, and give the best times for doing so.  In most cases, your advisor will be happy to accommodate you, if it makes for a better, more productive relationship.  Whatever you do, don’t avoid bringing up a problem when it occurs.  Advisors need and want that feedback on what makes for happy clients.

  • Be prepared for your meetings with your advisor, and try to keep them within a reasonable time frame.  Make notes beforehand of what you wish to talk about, and read any materials or reports you have been sent ahead of time.  Tell your advisor what you would like to focus on during the meeting, as opposed to making him or her guess what the best agenda will be.  Decide with the advisor at the start of the meeting, or beforehand, how long the meeting should be, and keep to that timeline.  It’s better to ask for a follow-up meeting, if needed, than to let the discussion go for too long.

  • There’s a matchmaker instinct in all of us: women love to put the right people together and watch good things happen.   Ask your advisor what kinds of clients he or she likes to work with, and if possible, be a source of referrals to individuals who fit this profile. This kind of goodwill gesture is deeply appreciated by advisors, the best of whom are not marketers or sales people, but great consultants.  You have a vested interest in your advisor’s professional success, since it means that he or she will be around to guide you for a long time.

But at the end of day, you must trust your woman’s intuition about the status and value of the advisory relationship.  You may be doing everything you can to be a great client, but still not feeling appreciated or well-served.   It’s time to move on, being sure to tell yourself it’s not you.  Chalk it up to chemistry or style, but do not feel diminished.   Like a great pair of shoes, the best advisory relationship has to fit without pinching, has to make you feel good and stand tall, and has to carry you exactly where you want to go.

Categories Finding a financial planner
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The Credible Side of Compassion

by Eleanor Blayney
January 3rd, 2011

Although I have been focusing on the financial needs of women for the past several years, I don’t have all the answers.  Far from it, as my uncertain reaction to an email I recently received demonstrates.

As a woman, I think I share with many women a wide streak of compassion when those I know and care about are in trouble.  The email in question was sent from the email address of a woman psychologist I had met approximately a year ago when I was speaking to the women clients of a Philadelphia financial planning firm.  I remember her, because she came up to me after my speech, saying how much she enjoyed it and how often her clients come in with money issues.

The email had all the markings of legitimacy:  my friend’s email and her correct business URL.  But her message was really strange:  she was writing to say she was stranded in the UK, having had all her credit cards stolen.  She needed to return home, but had no way to pay for it, as her bank and credit card companies could not advance funds before she had to return.  I was one of several “undisclosed recipients” receiving her plea for help.  The email was not, however, asking for money, but simply that I make a phone call to her hotel.

Now, I am no fool.  I never buy lottery tickets, nor respond to the emails from British solicitors offering me the opportunity of managing the fortunes of deposed Nigerian tribal leaders.  (In fact, I cannot help but marvel, then despair, at how many people actually fall for this stuff).  This recent email was not as obviously spammy as the Nigerian ploy, but it did have a distinct odor of fish.  A quick call to a CFP® colleague, who is far wiser in the ways of scammers than I, confirmed the stink.

But damn if I did not spend a few moments, before calling my associate, wondering  “What if?”  What if it is really her, what if she is really in trouble, what if the people who stole her credit cards are holding her hostage in some way?  Has well-warranted cynicism blinkered me to just-remotely-possible legitimate need?  If I called the phone number that was included in the email, would I kick myself to Sunday for being such a dupe? Would I ever tell anyone about this?

The fact that I did not act on those second thoughts does not lessen my fascination with their appearance.  It made me wonder how many other women have struggled with the instinct to reach out a financial helping hand, even when their better sense tells them no.  How many financial mistakes have we made because we care first, and think second?  How many have we kept secret, chastising ourselves for being stupid?

I think it is important that I tell this tale on myself.  The fear of appearing stupid or – in its less vicious form – appearing uneducated when it comes to personal finance keeps too many women from engaging with a financial professional.  It also keeps them quiet, their questions unasked, when they go to an advisor as part of a couple.

If advisors were more willing to share their own experiences of making mistakes, of letting emotion get the better of judgment, it may be that we would gain far more credibility in our clients’ minds than what can be conferred by all those letters after our names or the amount of assets we have under management.  We need to demonstrate first that we human before we can take on the role of the expert.

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As we work to change the conversation around women and personal finance, we are giving our website a new look to better forward our initiatives.  That’s our new logo to the left.  Stay tuned for a website relaunch coming soon, as well as a variety of offerings – webinars, educational materials, retreat – to help you in your work with women.

Categories Finding a financial planner, Personal Finance for Women
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Every Generation Has Trust Issues

by Eleanor Blayney
November 11th, 2010

The following blog is a response to our previous posting in our Issues and Answers series, Mistrust and Responsibility, One Generation’s Perfect Storm.

I think every generation has its own trust, or rather distrust, issues.  Speaking as a baby boomer, our version was “Never trust anyone over 30 or anyone wearing a suit!”  Needless to say, it never occurred to us to talk to a financial planner, which was probably a good thing, since in those days there were only a handful of such professionals.

Women in their 30s and 40s today do indeed face a different dilemma.  Not only were they raised to be suspicious of anything that isn’t sealed and date-stamped, but they now face an exceedingly more complicated world than existed for those of us who remember Woodstock.  (It’s hard to believe now, but there were half a million people there, but not one cell phone.  Our mothers had no way to reach us, which is how Woodstock happened in the first place…)

But then along come Madoff and other financial scoundrels, and the differences between Gen X-ers and Baby boomers become trivial compared with our shared conviction that the financial advisory world is a dangerous place, heavy on testosterone, and light on ethics and empathy.

The answer, however, is not Do-It-Yourself financial management.  Women may have the information needed, but not the time, experience, or judgment to make smart financial decisions for themselves and their families.   We do indeed need financial experts, just as we need doctors and attorneys.

The solution wears two hats.  As women, we need to understand how to find advisors whom we can trust.  As advisors, we need to make ourselves more accountable and responsive to women.

Let’s start with what women can do.  First, we can realize that there is middle ground between D-I-Y personal finance and handing complete control over to an expert.  Call it management by delegation – a concept that any Gen X-er can understand and approve of.  It involves doing your homework – checking references, background history, credentials – of a prospective financial planner. Yes, this takes time, but so does choosing a child-care provider or a car with an acceptable safety history.

It also involves staying engaged with the advisor.  It’s not a matter of staying on top of everything the advisor knows or does, but conducting periodic gut-checks as to whether the advisor seems to be working for you (and not the other way around).  It involves having the confidence to fire an advisor because you are not being heard, or not being educated to the degree you would like.

From the advisory side, change is also necessary.  Manisha Thakor – a well-known and well-respected personal finance author and advisor to women  –suggested three prerequisites on our blog for advisors seeking to help women with their finances:

  • Be completely transparent about fees.  Women are price-conscious, and have to know upfront and center what it will cost them for the advice.  Delaying or omitting this information is a big mistake, no matter how beneficial are the services.
  • Jettison the jargon.  Women need simple, relevant-to-my-life explanations of financial strategies and decisions.
  • Listen to the feelings, and not just the facts, of a woman’s financial circumstances.

Another advisor suggested to me, at a recent retreat, that financial planners can gain consumers’ trust by doing trustworthy things.  To Gen X women I would say:  make your prospective advisor earn your trust.  It’s not a blank check you have to write up front, but something that can be pledged in small increments.

Unfortunately – at least to Gen X-ers – planners don’t come in tamper-proof plastic packaging, nor are they subject to money-back, safety recalls when their advice proves defective.  It’s always going entail some risk when you share confidential information with an advisor or take his or her advice.  One of the many goals of Directions is to identify ways that women consumers and their advisors can pare that risk down to an acceptable level, making not seeking advice far more risky and time-consuming than finding the right advisor.

Click here to read the stories of some of the advisors we work with at Directions.

Categories Finding a financial planner, Personal Finance for Women, Trust
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Mistrust and Responsibility, My Generation’s Perfect Storm

by Candice McGarvey CFP
November 5th, 2010

I was a preteen at the time of the Tylenol tamperings when seven innocent consumers died of cyanide poisoning.  I remember the transition between receiving home-baked treats at Halloween and receiving only prepackaged candy with a recommendation to have it x-rayed by police before you ate it. I am now raising children who are not allowed to walk to the bus stop alone, play in our yard unattended, and they definitely don’t speak to strangers.

I am representative of a generation that drives everyone, including ourselves,  crazy. My mother’s generation grew up fearing the Russians, never having even met one, while we grew up worrying about the terrors that lurked just around the corner:  gunmen in our schools, bombers in our churches, deadly viruses in our bedrooms.

As a result we don’t trust anybody, and do everything ourselves:  We rely on information and the internet, rather than experts and experience.  At the same time, the volume and speed of information add further fuel to the flame of our generational fears.  There is always evidence, not just that something could go wrong, but that something will go wrong.

As women of Generation X, we were fortunate to have been told we could accomplish anything; nothing was outside our reach just because we were women.  We pursued higher education at a record-breaking pace while assuming we could raise families at the same time we accomplished our professional goals.  What we are facing now is a perfect storm of responsibility: we can do everything (or so we think) but we can’t trust anyone.  Our do-it-yourself attitude results in a conundrum one of my friends describes as “Choosing between to-do list items that are either ‘Important!’ or ‘URGENT!’  So I choose the urgent, and the important stuff never happens.”  Unfortunately, finance is often on the “important” list, we know we need to take care of it, but it will have to wait until we get a break between crises.

How do we as financial planners help women with too much to do who don’t know if they can trust anyone else to handle financial matters?

To read Eleanor Blayney’s response to this issue, click here.

Categories Finding a financial planner, Personal Finance for Women
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Final Advisor Conference Call – The Harvest

by Eleanor Blayney
September 20th, 2010

On September 17, we had our final introductory conference call with advisors who are interested in changing the conversation about personal finance for women.  Read the following summary to learn about what transpired.

Elizabeth and Eleanor shared their circle experiences in Atlanta earlier in the week. One was a meeting with financial advisors, where a hosting process called “World Café” was used to facilitate the conversation. The other was a smaller, more intimate group of women. In this case, the process and philosophy of “circle” was used for the gathering. (Click here for a summary of the Atlanta circles.)

In this final of the three scheduled conference calls with advisors, Eleanor summarized what appear to be the emerging needs and interests of the advisory community in their outreach to women:

• CIRCLE PROCESS as a way to get and keep women “in the room” to talk about money. This process is far more thoughtful and deliberate than merely having women sit in a circle and talk. It begins with the invitation, and includes selection of venue, room arrangement, conversational tools, development of questions, building conversational bridges and transitions, harvesting comments, and determining next steps.

Directions will be offering training, coaching, and guidance to advisors on the process of holding a circle, as well as other hosting techniques such as “open space” “appreciative inquiry,” and “world café.” The primary intent of these techniques is to create safe space for exploration of questions that matter.

• CONTENT. Women’s financial issues are often different from men’s as a result of biological, economic, and cultural factors. This means that the topics we focus on as advisors to women need to be different as well. To name just a few: surviving divorce and death of a spouse; maximizing workplace earnings given shorter periods of time spent working as a result of childbearing and taking care of dependents; drawing upon community resources (social capital) to supplement financial capital in retirement.

Directions will offer materials to focus on these women-centric topics, with particular attention paid to different ways to present these topics: i.e., fewer graphs and charts, more visual and oral storytelling, creating understandable and relatable context for these topics, use of metaphor and analogy.

• MARKETING AND BRANDING. Directions has achieved considerable visibility in the trade media, and has the attention of the major associations and organizations: CFP Board, FPA, and NAPFA.

Our goal at Directions is to build more recognition among women consumers and in the consumer media. Eleanor’s book Women’s Worth and its book discussion guides are targeted to women consumers, and advisors are now using these as a resource to give to clients and prospects. The three of us – Eleanor, Peg, and Elizabeth have several engagements to speak to non-professional groups of women, and we are building relationships with Money magazine, major women’s websites (such as Daily Worth, the Silver Purse, Vibrant Nation, and Women’s media. We are also now planning a much more robust website that will serve as a portal featuring content and discussions for women consumers and the ability to search for a Directions CFP professional.

The Directions brand will be built to convey to women there is a distinct community of advisors who are committed to the needs of women, the ways they think and talk about money, and their special financial issues.

• COMMUNITY. Advisors are eager to share what they know about advising women, and to learn from the successes and mistakes of others. They are also interested in relevant research that can deepen our understanding of working with women, or women subgroups – such as racial or ethnic minorities.

Directions intends to become a gateway of information and emerging data that can help advisors in their outreach to women. We will engage with experts outside of the financial world – experts such as psychologists, cultural anthropologists, narrative artists – who can help us find different and better ways to engage women. At some point, we could even play an activism role on public policy issues of key importance to women and personal finance, i.e. Social Security reform, and workplace policies affecting women employees.

In summary, Elizabeth commented that our community endeavors are gaining coherence and traction. She reiterated that the Directions Alliance is an open community for those who are interested in changing the conversation. She then opened up call to participant comments and questions.

One caller wanted to know how the vision and mission of Directions is different from the George Kinder school of Life Planning.

Elizabeth acknowledged the value of Life Planning, and the fact that both she and Peg have been trained in this approach. At the same time, she commented that many people have gone through this program and have not yet found a way to integrate this philosophy into their practices. The focus of Directions is on getting women “into the room” to talk about money by creating safe space and a supportive community. We also want to talk about things that matter most to women – how money impacts their relationships, their families and their communities.

A caller suggested that the Directions vision and practice could also be helpful for minorities as well.

We agree that there are several segments of our society that need to be financially empowered, educated, and engaged. Like women, these segments have been underserved by our profession. The circle process might be an effective and cost-efficient way to reach these populations.

Another participant agreed with the premise that women are different, and therefore need a different approach to their personal finance. Women do the lion share of taking care of children and aging parents, to the detriment of their own needs to save for retirement. “A one size fits all approach is not going to work anymore in advising these women.”

Peg commented on the fact that traditional financial planning often deals with the issue of widowhood by making sure that the husband carries enough life insurance. It has not, however, helped women prepare for being single – where and how they will live and the financial decisions they will face.

A west coast caller shared her success with “kitchen table conferences” with 8 to 10 women. She has found the “money habitude” cards to be a good tool to get the conversation started …

Another caller shared a comment made by a female prospect who learned about the Directions Alliance. The prospect was fascinated that a community around women’s financial issues was forming, and felt, in her words, “very special.”

It is this consumer awareness that Directions is working to replicate many, many times over. We believe women will react very positively to the efforts of a committed community to reach them where they are, as opposed to expecting them to come to us.

The request was made to provide the opportunity to exchange already developed materials. One advisor has written a book for widows, based on her own experience as a young widow.

The Directions website will be built out to share this kind of content with both advisors and consumers. In the meantime, we have created a LinkedIn discussion group to share these resources.

A caller mentioned her experience in holding ladies’ teas to provide women an opportunity to open up more about money and ask the questions they would not bring up in front of their husbands. She was frustrated, however, that these efforts did not seem to make a difference to women who are not the dominant partner in a marriage or partnership.

Changing the way we work with women who are part of a couple is a key priority for Directions. While it is difficult to change relational dynamics and roles, we must find ways to help women find their own financial identity without disrupting the relationship. Too often, women see money as getting in the way of their relationships, and therefore avoid it altogether to maintain harmony.

The conference was brought to a close with an acknowledgement by Eleanor of the men advisors on the call. She wanted to reiterate Directions’ intention to be a community open to ALL those who are passionate about meeting the financial needs of women.

Participants will be receiving an email giving them all the ways to link to the Directions website and the discussion group offered through LinkedIn. Those advisors who might be interested in having Directions host a circle gathering for clients or prospects can contact us at Directionsforwomen@me.com. Finally, the callers were asked to participate in a survey that Directions will be sending out via email in the next few weeks to gather information about their practices and advisory needs.

Let’s keep talking!

Categories Finding a financial planner, Personal Finance for Women
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Look who's talking…

by Eleanor Blayney
May 12th, 2010

There is a memorable Bob Newhart skit where he plays a psychiatrist meeting for the first time with a woman who nervously confesses her problems with claustrophobia, bulimia, and relationships.  Newhart is not your classic Freudian shrink who stares into space, saying nothing. In fact, he actually has some advice for his client, which he summarizes in just two words:

“STOP IT!”

When the flabbergasted woman just stares at him, he drives his recommendation home by spelling it:  “S-T-O-P new word I-T!!!”

Session over, mission accomplished, slam bam thank you ma’am.

Like all classic humor, the sketch is funny because it depicts a fundamental truth.  When women ask for advice, they are often not asking for solutions but acceptance. And when men give advice, they focus on eliminating the problem, not analyzing its origins.              How many times have you come home from a bad day, complaining about a workmate, a traffic snarl, an uncooperative team?  Your husband or partner will listen for a minute and then feel compelled to fix it, as soon as possible.  “You just gotta work around him/it/them,” he opines, grabbing for the remote.  He sees the problem as solved, while you feel that he hasn’t heard a word you’ve said.

Financial planning can be a “fix-it” discipline, and as a CFP® practitioner, I’ve always enjoyed solving problems.  And I’ll admit, there are some problems that seem to require a “STOP IT!” response.   Spending too much?  Not willing to take any investment risk?  Putting off completing that questionnaire for the estate planning attorney?  Just stop doing what you’re doing, and everything will be fine.

But the logic and simplicity of such advice has, to my knowledge, never changed behavior.  It has, in fact, almost lost me two clients, one whom I told to stop spending money on eating out, the other whom I advised to stop buying shoes.  Their flabbergasted response told me that I did not get it.  I was advocating eliminating the tip of the iceberg, leaving the real and much greater issues submerged, threatening to sink their financial ship.

I certainly learned from those early mistakes, and now know that my job is to listen, deeply and thoughtfully, long before I offer advice.  I’ve learned that women need to be heard, and accepted, before they need to be fixed.  Often, they feel isolated with their financial issues, and need reassurance that others share their situation, that they are pretty average when it comes to their worries about money.  In this way, they differ from men.  She wants to know that she is “the same as” whereas he wants to know if he is “better than.”

When choosing a financial planner, you want, of course, experience and expertise.  You want commitment to an ethical code of standards.  But there is another “E” prerequisite you should be looking for:  Empathy.  On your first visit to interview a prospective advisor, who does most of the talking?  Are you offered answers before you have posed all the questions?  Do you leave the advisor’s office relieved because the interview is over, or because you have found a safe place to become more financially competent?  When you return for a second visit, is it clear that the planner has reflected upon and digested all that you shared in your first meeting?

Sometimes we want professionals who are all business and completely focused on their skills.  I, for instance, don’t want my attorney to be my pal.  A bit of bedside manner works well in doctors, but if I get more than 10 minutes worth, I begin to feel uncomfortable.  When it comes to money management, however, our emotional assets and liabilities are just as important as our financial inventory, and may have a greater impact on our ability to be financially successful than a six-figure 401(k).

Here’s some advice if you’re meeting with an advisor who does more talking than listening.  Just tell him or her to “Stop It!”  It’s your turn to speak.

Categories Finding a financial planner, Personal Finance for Women
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