Personal Finance for Women :: Directions For Women

Personal Finance for Women – Page 2

what does it mean to change the conversation?

January 11th, 2011

In light of our subscription program for advisors, we are taking a moment to review some of the basics of our initiative.
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We talk a lot about changing the conversation about personal finance for women. But why is this important, and what does it mean?

It’s important because women have been underserved by the financial services sector. Many report being patronized or intimidated by financial advisors. If they are part of a couple, they may feel unheard as a result of the discussion being pitched primarily to their spouses or partners. Many don’t feel ready for the challenge of personal financial management, having grown up without examples of mothers who worked or who were responsible for the important household financial decisions.

It’s important to change the conversation because women are rapidly gaining in economic power. They are in the workforce to stay, and have accumulated assets of their own. They are the inheritors of wealth because of their longer life spans. To survive and thrive, financial advisors have to figure out better ways of reaching women. They must realize that the traditional male-defined ways of doing business are not going to work. Women aren’t that interested in the competitive game of money with its constantly changing roster of winners and losers. They are interested in what money can do for their families, for their communities and networks, for their lives.

Changing the conversation will involve a shift in emphasis and delivery rather than a wholesale discarding of subject matter. We still need to talk about investments, debt management, tax reduction, and retirement plans with our clients. There will still be topics that are technical and complicated – estate planning comes immediately to mind – which we must make sure women understand, even when they are totally uninterested or overwhelmed.

Here are just some of the ways that Directions for Women would like to change the conversation about personal finance:

Advisors would talk to women clients:

Less about being rich, more about being enriched
Less about price, more about value
Less about balance sheets, more about balance
Less about transactions, more about engagement
Less about financial capital, more about social and human capital

These conversations would take place more often at kitchen tables, and less often in formal conference rooms. Advisors would tell more life stories, and present fewer graphs and charts.

Most importantly of all, advisors would listen more, and talk less.

The Credible Side of Compassion

by Eleanor Blayney

January 3rd, 2011

Although I have been focusing on the financial needs of women for the past several years, I don’t have all the answers. Far from it, as my uncertain reaction to an email I recently received demonstrates.

As a woman, I think I share with many women a wide streak of compassion when those I know and care about are in trouble. The email in question was sent from the email address of a woman psychologist I had met approximately a year ago when I was speaking to the women clients of a Philadelphia financial planning firm. I remember her, because she came up to me after my speech, saying how much she enjoyed it and how often her clients come in with money issues.

The email had all the markings of legitimacy: my friend’s email and her correct business URL. But her message was really strange: she was writing to say she was stranded in the UK, having had all her credit cards stolen. She needed to return home, but had no way to pay for it, as her bank and credit card companies could not advance funds before she had to return. I was one of several “undisclosed recipients” receiving her plea for help. The email was not, however, asking for money, but simply that I make a phone call to her hotel.

Now, I am no fool. I never buy lottery tickets, nor respond to the emails from British solicitors offering me the opportunity of managing the fortunes of deposed Nigerian tribal leaders. (In fact, I cannot help but marvel, then despair, at how many people actually fall for this stuff). This recent email was not as obviously spammy as the Nigerian ploy, but it did have a distinct odor of fish. A quick call to a CFP® colleague, who is far wiser in the ways of scammers than I, confirmed the stink.

But damn if I did not spend a few moments, before calling my associate, wondering “What if?” What if it is really her, what if she is really in trouble, what if the people who stole her credit cards are holding her hostage in some way? Has well-warranted cynicism blinkered me to just-remotely-possible legitimate need? If I called the phone number that was included in the email, would I kick myself to Sunday for being such a dupe? Would I ever tell anyone about this?

The fact that I did not act on those second thoughts does not lessen my fascination with their appearance. It made me wonder how many other women have struggled with the instinct to reach out a financial helping hand, even when their better sense tells them no. How many financial mistakes have we made because we care first, and think second? How many have we kept secret, chastising ourselves for being stupid?

I think it is important that I tell this tale on myself. The fear of appearing stupid or – in its less vicious form – appearing uneducated when it comes to personal finance keeps too many women from engaging with a financial professional. It also keeps them quiet, their questions unasked, when they go to an advisor as part of a couple.

If advisors were more willing to share their own experiences of making mistakes, of letting emotion get the better of judgment, it may be that we would gain far more credibility in our clients’ minds than what can be conferred by all those letters after our names or the amount of assets we have under management. We need to demonstrate first that we human before we can take on the role of the expert.

As we work to change the conversation around women and personal finance, we are giving our website a new look to better forward our initiatives. That’s our new logo to the left. Stay tuned for a website relaunch coming soon, as well as a variety of offerings – webinars, educational materials, retreat – to help you in your work with women.

Categories Finding a financial planner, Personal Finance for Women
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Changing the Conversation – Dangerous Business?

by Eleanor Blayney

December 3rd, 2010

I was making small talk with the man sitting next to me at a holiday open house. We turned, inevitably, to the discussion of what we “do.” He was micro-lending to government enterprises in Afghanistan and Pakistan. I was changing the way personal financial advice is delivered to women. Of the two professions, I would have said his was far more dangerous. In his opinion, however, it was my work that was full of land mines and embedded explosive devices. After all, I was dealing with the issue of gender.

He was clearly uncomfortable at the mention of women and finance in the same sentence. He presumably had guessed my approximate age, and possibly had me figured for one of those 1970s, bra-burning feminists who hated men, but wanted to be just like them. “Why single out women?” he asked. No doubt he saw my efforts to financially empower women as another form of misguided “affirmative action:” giving women extra attention and guidance as a way to make up for all the years where women were kept financially in the dark. “Why should women be any different when it comes to money?”

I knew I had to work carefully to avoid closing his mind even further. So I started with all the factual stuff, hard “nuts” of information that even a blind squirrel would happily chew on. Women’s longer lives, their years out of the workplace to bear and raise children, their ineligibility for workplace benefits if they work part-time: all these facts adding up to women needing more wealth, but handicapped in trying to accumulate it. It was, however, when I mentioned that Social Security benefits are computed on 35 years of earnings, which penalizes mothers and caretakers whose average workplace tenure is approximately 29 years, that I could see he was beginning – just—to respect what I had to say. “I hadn’t thought of it that way,” he conceded.

I then tentatively introduced the observation that women think and talk differently about money, citing the neurophysiology and sociolinguistics supporting this assertion. He was making eye contact with me now, no longer searching for a diversion on the buffet table. However, it was only when his wife joined the conversation that he became convinced. Hearing only the tail end of our conversation about why personal finance is different for women, she announced, “Well, of course it is. Everyone knows that…”

We said our goodbyes a few minutes later, with the Pakistani microlender saying – quite genuinely – “It sounds like you are doing some interesting and important work.”

Categories Personal Finance for Women, Women and Finance
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Every Generation Has Trust Issues

by Eleanor Blayney

November 11th, 2010

The following blog is a response to our previous posting in our Issues and Answers series, Mistrust and Responsibility, One Generation’s Perfect Storm.

I think every generation has its own trust, or rather distrust, issues. Speaking as a baby boomer, our version was “Never trust anyone over 30 or anyone wearing a suit!” Needless to say, it never occurred to us to talk to a financial planner, which was probably a good thing, since in those days there were only a handful of such professionals.

Women in their 30s and 40s today do indeed face a different dilemma. Not only were they raised to be suspicious of anything that isn’t sealed and date-stamped, but they now face an exceedingly more complicated world than existed for those of us who remember Woodstock. (It’s hard to believe now, but there were half a million people there, but not one cell phone. Our mothers had no way to reach us, which is how Woodstock happened in the first place…)

But then along come Madoff and other financial scoundrels, and the differences between Gen X-ers and Baby boomers become trivial compared with our shared conviction that the financial advisory world is a dangerous place, heavy on testosterone, and light on ethics and empathy.

The answer, however, is not Do-It-Yourself financial management. Women may have the information needed, but not the time, experience, or judgment to make smart financial decisions for themselves and their families. We do indeed need financial experts, just as we need doctors and attorneys.

The solution wears two hats. As women, we need to understand how to find advisors whom we can trust. As advisors, we need to make ourselves more accountable and responsive to women.

Let’s start with what women can do. First, we can realize that there is middle ground between D-I-Y personal finance and handing complete control over to an expert. Call it management by delegation – a concept that any Gen X-er can understand and approve of. It involves doing your homework – checking references, background history, credentials – of a prospective financial planner. Yes, this takes time, but so does choosing a child-care provider or a car with an acceptable safety history.

It also involves staying engaged with the advisor. It’s not a matter of staying on top of everything the advisor knows or does, but conducting periodic gut-checks as to whether the advisor seems to be working for you (and not the other way around). It involves having the confidence to fire an advisor because you are not being heard, or not being educated to the degree you would like.

From the advisory side, change is also necessary. Manisha Thakor – a well-known and well-respected personal finance author and advisor to women –suggested three prerequisites on our blog for advisors seeking to help women with their finances:

Be completely transparent about fees. Women are price-conscious, and have to know upfront and center what it will cost them for the advice. Delaying or omitting this information is a big mistake, no matter how beneficial are the services.
Jettison the jargon. Women need simple, relevant-to-my-life explanations of financial strategies and decisions.
Listen to the feelings, and not just the facts, of a woman’s financial circumstances.

Another advisor suggested to me, at a recent retreat, that financial planners can gain consumers’ trust by doing trustworthy things. To Gen X women I would say: make your prospective advisor earn your trust. It’s not a blank check you have to write up front, but something that can be pledged in small increments.

Unfortunately – at least to Gen X-ers – planners don’t come in tamper-proof plastic packaging, nor are they subject to money-back, safety recalls when their advice proves defective. It’s always going entail some risk when you share confidential information with an advisor or take his or her advice. One of the many goals of Directions is to identify ways that women consumers and their advisors can pare that risk down to an acceptable level, making not seeking advice far more risky and time-consuming than finding the right advisor.

Click here to read the stories of some of the advisors we work with at Directions.

Categories Finding a financial planner, Personal Finance for Women, Trust
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Mistrust and Responsibility, My Generation’s Perfect Storm

by Candice McGarvey CFP

November 5th, 2010

I was a preteen at the time of the Tylenol tamperings when seven innocent consumers died of cyanide poisoning. I remember the transition between receiving home-baked treats at Halloween and receiving only prepackaged candy with a recommendation to have it x-rayed by police before you ate it. I am now raising children who are not allowed to walk to the bus stop alone, play in our yard unattended, and they definitely don’t speak to strangers.

I am representative of a generation that drives everyone, including ourselves, crazy. My mother’s generation grew up fearing the Russians, never having even met one, while we grew up worrying about the terrors that lurked just around the corner: gunmen in our schools, bombers in our churches, deadly viruses in our bedrooms.

As a result we don’t trust anybody, and do everything ourselves: We rely on information and the internet, rather than experts and experience. At the same time, the volume and speed of information add further fuel to the flame of our generational fears. There is always evidence, not just that something could go wrong, but that something will go wrong.

As women of Generation X, we were fortunate to have been told we could accomplish anything; nothing was outside our reach just because we were women. We pursued higher education at a record-breaking pace while assuming we could raise families at the same time we accomplished our professional goals. What we are facing now is a perfect storm of responsibility: we can do everything (or so we think) but we can’t trust anyone. Our do-it-yourself attitude results in a conundrum one of my friends describes as “Choosing between to-do list items that are either ‘Important!’ or ‘URGENT!’ So I choose the urgent, and the important stuff never happens.” Unfortunately, finance is often on the “important” list, we know we need to take care of it, but it will have to wait until we get a break between crises.

How do we as financial planners help women with too much to do who don’t know if they can trust anyone else to handle financial matters?

To read Eleanor Blayney’s response to this issue, click here.

Categories Finding a financial planner, Personal Finance for Women
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Holding the Circle

by Eleanor Blayney

October 13th, 2010

We talk a lot at Directions about “Circles” as a way of creating safe space for women to talk about personal finances. Throughout history, women have congregated in circles not purely for companionship and conversation, but also to do important work. Yesterday’s sewing circles and quilting bees reappear today as book clubs, investment groups, and giving circles. All share education and helping others as their central purpose.

It’s not the shape, but the spirit of circles, that results in their transformative power. Simply arranging chairs in a circle, rather than in rows, for a discussion of personal finance is not enough to get women talking about and engaging with a topic they may consider uncomfortable or boring. What’s more important is the absence of hierarchy in the circle. There is no one leader who sets the agenda or determines the outcomes of the discussion, nor is the flow of discussion unilateral, from “expert” to participants.

Circles are gently but firmly held. They are not run. The caller or organizer of the circle must hold and honor the collective wisdom of the group. He or she must be able to sit with the questions, even the occasional discomfort, prompted by the discussion, and be willing to accept that more open-ended questions, rather than definitive answers, may indeed be the most important work produced by the circle.

At the same time, a circle does not just happen. Considerable planning must go into the holding of the circle, starting from the first invitation into the circle, to the harvesting of the circle’s discoveries. Indeed, those proficient in the art and science of hosting conversations refer to circles as a “technology,” thus aligning it with other respected fields where deliberate study, development, and application of techniques come together to produce results.

I learned this in the way that a lot of women learn: by standing back and watching someone else – a true circle “technologist” — at work.

Let me tell you about my Directions colleague, Elizabeth. Trained in the art of hosting conversations, she has frequently written and spoken about the circle process for several years, and has used the technique as a governance principle while she was president of the Financial Planning Association. In September of this year, she – the expert – and I – the novice – hosted two circles, one for advisors and one for women consumers in Atlanta.

Elizabeth is nothing if not a powerfully spontaneous, inspirational leader. I plod, while Elizabeth soars, as we work together on the vision of Directions. She’s totally comfortable and articulate “on the spot” and brilliant at taking what is immediately in front of her and organizing it into meaning and direction.

So going into the Atlanta circles, I assumed that Elizabeth would be totally relying on her extemporaneous ease and gift of conversational versatility to run the discussions. I expected our pre-circle preparation to consist primarily of Elizabeth coaching me to relax, have fun, and be ready to “go with flow.”

Not so. Elizabeth’s nerves had kicked in well before I even arrived. My overnight bag was no sooner heaved into her MiniCooper when she announced that we had a lot of work to do, and please not to mind her bossing me around. We then proceeded to plan for the next ten hours every detail of the circles that would take place: the set-up, the questions, the transitions, the hand-outs, the timing, who would and wouldn’t speak, who would take notes, harvest the conversations, follow-up with the participants.

During the circles themselves we were busy as stagehands who knew the cues for changing and adjusting the settings, but not necessarily the play that would be performed. The hardest part, for me at least, was resisting the urge to direct or play a major speaking role and simply listen with intention. The amazing part was how much I, as a personal finance expert, learned about the many ways money can be experienced in our lives.

I also learned that circle hosting is neither for the intrepid nor the faint of heart. You need courage to accept the wisdom of the group, even when it looks very different from your own. At the same time, you need training and guidance – this is not a skill that you acquire simply by doing, but one that should be learned from an experienced practitioner.

We have been hearing from many financial advisors interested in how they can put circle technology to work in their outreach to women. It’s our intention at Directions to provide guidance and training in this practice, as well as to incorporate the learning that advisors gain from circle practice. For change that really matters, when it comes to how we talk to and advise women about money, we cannot do this effectively as individuals. It’s back to the basic premise of circles: we learn better and we learn more when we learn together.

Want to know more? Click here to read another blog about circles by Elizabeth Jetton:
Circles – Listen to Others, Understand Ourselves.

Categories Personal Finance for Women
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Work-Life Balance: A Zero Sum Game?

by Eleanor Blayney

September 23rd, 2010

It’s Wednesday – my “taking-care-of-Everett” day. I think just about everyone knows by now that Everett is my new and first grandbaby. I simply cannot fight the irrepressible urge to announce this fact to complete strangers on elevators, in airport terminals, even to the cranky cop on the Washington D.C. Beltway, who miraculously became a really nice guy when I pulled out the baby pictures instead of my license from my wallet.

I am a hands-on gramma twice a week. On-knees, too, by the way. On those days, I rise joyfully at 5:30 am to be on time for that first gummy grin as I come in the door. But by 6:00 pm I am worn to a frazzle, outwitted by a 10 month-old who may not know my name but does know perfectly well how to hijack my best-laid plans for the day.

I’ve been told that I am nuts. A friend recently joined me for dinner at the end of an Everett day, and after commenting on the sweet potato appliqué on my sleeve, chided me for my tendency to overcommit and then complain about nonexistent free time. She apparently concluded that I had completely taken leave of my senses, reminding me – a financial planner for over twenty years – “this is what money is for.” In other words, if I was that keen to help my daughter, I could always pay for day care or a nanny.

So why do I give up a chunk of my week to take care of a baby? Apart from the obvious reason – namely, he is far more precious to me than my time – there’s another simple explanation. I do this because I can. Thirty years ago this was not the case. I couldn’t be a full-time mom to my daughter because I had to work at entry-level jobs where someone else controlled my time and priorities. I had to start making and saving the money that at this stage of life allows me to call my own shots about what I do, and when I do it. From nervous, stressed-out new mom, I have evolved into a patient, available grandmother. I am now making up for lost baby-time.

This is not to say that I no longer have to work. My effort to change and improve the way financial planners engage with women has me working ridiculous hours. Passion is a more demanding taskmaster than money. Even on days when I fall prey to the inevitable doubts of a new business owner, the responses we are getting from the planner community and the media keeps me rising at 5:30 am even on non-Everett days.

I’ve learned to juggle – to keep the business balls up in the air while I am cradling my grandson. Monday and Wednesday have become the days for phone calls, emails, even a rare few minutes snatched during naptime for writing. I’ve given interviews, too, as long as they are not radio spots, given the inevitable squawks and babbles that punctuate my professional commentary.

Which brings me to another important reason I take care of a baby; I need to experience again, this time from an older and wiser perspective, the work-life “balance” that so many women try to pursue. This balance – actually “contest” seems the better word – is to my mind a predominantly female issue that powerfully impacts a woman’s financial planning and security.

Career-track vs. mommy-track – the debate is heated about which is the “right thing to do.” I am entirely neutral on this issue, as long as women fully understand the cost and benefits of their choices, and ways to change the equation in their favor. How many young women are aware, for example, of the research that supports the positive lifetime income effects of delaying having a baby by just a year or two? How many women are putting household income aside or insisting on setting up spousal IRAs to compensate for their lost earnings?

More than that, how many women are trying to find ways where work-life is not such an either-or proposition, but is something that really can be balanced? The number of women-owned businesses is on the rise; for many, what drives these women to open their own shops is the absence of flexibility and presence of glass-ceilings that still prevail in the traditional workplace. Other women are learning how to ask for the higher salaries they deserve, as a way to make child-care more affordable. Still other women are discriminating in favor of companies that honestly pursue female-friendly workplace policies, such as flextime, telecommuting, and shared sick leave.

As women, we need to convince ourselves and others that work-life balance does not invariably mean sacrificing both. Just because we must leave the office at 5:00 pm sharp to be at the daycare by 6:00 does not make us less ambitious or less valuable than the colleague who opens the door for the boss in the morning and is the last one in the office at night.

This is not an easy task. Even kind, open-minded employers tend to regard with skepticism a young woman candidate of childbearing age, assuming she will be “gone” in a year or two after she is hired. These employers may need reminding that Fortune 500 companies with true gender diversity among their executives had a return on equity 34 percent higher than those companies with the least diversity. (Click here to read about this study and other research confirming the trend.) They also need reminding of what you can do, what you have done, and what you will do to benefit the company. Toot your own horn in a positive, team-minded way. Own your contribution and your successes. Make yourself indispensable. If you need a bit of coaching, check out Catalyst.org and WomensMedia.org, two excellent websites dedicated to the advancement of women in the workplace.

And remember, all this you can do without showering or changing out of your sweat pants.

Categories Motherhood, Personal Finance for Women, Women work
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Final Advisor Conference Call – The Harvest

by Eleanor Blayney

September 20th, 2010

On September 17, we had our final introductory conference call with advisors who are interested in changing the conversation about personal finance for women. Read the following summary to learn about what transpired.

Elizabeth and Eleanor shared their circle experiences in Atlanta earlier in the week. One was a meeting with financial advisors, where a hosting process called “World Café” was used to facilitate the conversation. The other was a smaller, more intimate group of women. In this case, the process and philosophy of “circle” was used for the gathering. (Click here for a summary of the Atlanta circles.)

In this final of the three scheduled conference calls with advisors, Eleanor summarized what appear to be the emerging needs and interests of the advisory community in their outreach to women:

• CIRCLE PROCESS as a way to get and keep women “in the room” to talk about money. This process is far more thoughtful and deliberate than merely having women sit in a circle and talk. It begins with the invitation, and includes selection of venue, room arrangement, conversational tools, development of questions, building conversational bridges and transitions, harvesting comments, and determining next steps.

Directions will be offering training, coaching, and guidance to advisors on the process of holding a circle, as well as other hosting techniques such as “open space” “appreciative inquiry,” and “world café.” The primary intent of these techniques is to create safe space for exploration of questions that matter.

• CONTENT. Women’s financial issues are often different from men’s as a result of biological, economic, and cultural factors. This means that the topics we focus on as advisors to women need to be different as well. To name just a few: surviving divorce and death of a spouse; maximizing workplace earnings given shorter periods of time spent working as a result of childbearing and taking care of dependents; drawing upon community resources (social capital) to supplement financial capital in retirement.

Directions will offer materials to focus on these women-centric topics, with particular attention paid to different ways to present these topics: i.e., fewer graphs and charts, more visual and oral storytelling, creating understandable and relatable context for these topics, use of metaphor and analogy.

• MARKETING AND BRANDING. Directions has achieved considerable visibility in the trade media, and has the attention of the major associations and organizations: CFP Board, FPA, and NAPFA.

Our goal at Directions is to build more recognition among women consumers and in the consumer media. Eleanor’s book Women’s Worth and its book discussion guides are targeted to women consumers, and advisors are now using these as a resource to give to clients and prospects. The three of us – Eleanor, Peg, and Elizabeth have several engagements to speak to non-professional groups of women, and we are building relationships with Money magazine, major women’s websites (such as Daily Worth, the Silver Purse, Vibrant Nation, and Women’s media. We are also now planning a much more robust website that will serve as a portal featuring content and discussions for women consumers and the ability to search for a Directions CFP professional.

The Directions brand will be built to convey to women there is a distinct community of advisors who are committed to the needs of women, the ways they think and talk about money, and their special financial issues.

• COMMUNITY. Advisors are eager to share what they know about advising women, and to learn from the successes and mistakes of others. They are also interested in relevant research that can deepen our understanding of working with women, or women subgroups – such as racial or ethnic minorities.

Directions intends to become a gateway of information and emerging data that can help advisors in their outreach to women. We will engage with experts outside of the financial world – experts such as psychologists, cultural anthropologists, narrative artists – who can help us find different and better ways to engage women. At some point, we could even play an activism role on public policy issues of key importance to women and personal finance, i.e. Social Security reform, and workplace policies affecting women employees.

In summary, Elizabeth commented that our community endeavors are gaining coherence and traction. She reiterated that the Directions Alliance is an open community for those who are interested in changing the conversation. She then opened up call to participant comments and questions.

One caller wanted to know how the vision and mission of Directions is different from the George Kinder school of Life Planning.

Elizabeth acknowledged the value of Life Planning, and the fact that both she and Peg have been trained in this approach. At the same time, she commented that many people have gone through this program and have not yet found a way to integrate this philosophy into their practices. The focus of Directions is on getting women “into the room” to talk about money by creating safe space and a supportive community. We also want to talk about things that matter most to women – how money impacts their relationships, their families and their communities.

A caller suggested that the Directions vision and practice could also be helpful for minorities as well.

We agree that there are several segments of our society that need to be financially empowered, educated, and engaged. Like women, these segments have been underserved by our profession. The circle process might be an effective and cost-efficient way to reach these populations.

Another participant agreed with the premise that women are different, and therefore need a different approach to their personal finance. Women do the lion share of taking care of children and aging parents, to the detriment of their own needs to save for retirement. “A one size fits all approach is not going to work anymore in advising these women.”

Peg commented on the fact that traditional financial planning often deals with the issue of widowhood by making sure that the husband carries enough life insurance. It has not, however, helped women prepare for being single – where and how they will live and the financial decisions they will face.

A west coast caller shared her success with “kitchen table conferences” with 8 to 10 women. She has found the “money habitude” cards to be a good tool to get the conversation started …

Another caller shared a comment made by a female prospect who learned about the Directions Alliance. The prospect was fascinated that a community around women’s financial issues was forming, and felt, in her words, “very special.”

It is this consumer awareness that Directions is working to replicate many, many times over. We believe women will react very positively to the efforts of a committed community to reach them where they are, as opposed to expecting them to come to us.

The request was made to provide the opportunity to exchange already developed materials. One advisor has written a book for widows, based on her own experience as a young widow.

The Directions website will be built out to share this kind of content with both advisors and consumers. In the meantime, we have created a LinkedIn discussion group to share these resources.

A caller mentioned her experience in holding ladies’ teas to provide women an opportunity to open up more about money and ask the questions they would not bring up in front of their husbands. She was frustrated, however, that these efforts did not seem to make a difference to women who are not the dominant partner in a marriage or partnership.

Changing the way we work with women who are part of a couple is a key priority for Directions. While it is difficult to change relational dynamics and roles, we must find ways to help women find their own financial identity without disrupting the relationship. Too often, women see money as getting in the way of their relationships, and therefore avoid it altogether to maintain harmony.

The conference was brought to a close with an acknowledgement by Eleanor of the men advisors on the call. She wanted to reiterate Directions’ intention to be a community open to ALL those who are passionate about meeting the financial needs of women.

Participants will be receiving an email giving them all the ways to link to the Directions website and the discussion group offered through LinkedIn. Those advisors who might be interested in having Directions host a circle gathering for clients or prospects can contact us at Directionsforwomen@me.com. Finally, the callers were asked to participate in a survey that Directions will be sending out via email in the next few weeks to gather information about their practices and advisory needs.

Let’s keep talking!

Categories Finding a financial planner, Personal Finance for Women
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Harvest from Our Atlanta Circles

by Eleanor Blayney

September 20th, 2010

Advisor Circle

Forty-five financial advisors gathered in a large, sunny room in Atlanta on September 15, 2010. They took their seats at round tables, not quite knowing what to expect! There was a great mix of ages, both genders and a diversity of firms, experience and types of practices represented. Everyone shared an interest in “changing the conversation” with women about money. Elizabeth Jetton, CFP® of Directions for Women and I facilitated the café.

We first asked the group to share the questions they brought into the room. Most of their questions began with the word “HOW”: How do we get women in the room? How do we engage women who do not seem to want our help? How do we get young professional women smart about their money? How can we reach young women? How do we work with a couple when the wife assumes everything is being handled by the husband?

We left those questions unanswered and hanging – deliberately. These are excellent professional questions and deserve thoughtful professional answers, but in the spirit of “changing the conversation” we wanted to advisors to experience – not just discuss – what it is like to talk about and listen to painful or awkward missteps with money. We asked them to share with a partner a story about their own money mistakes, and then reflect upon how they felt when admitting these mistakes. As Elizabeth and I walked around the room we heard a lot of nervous laughter, and the phrases “I was stupid,” “I should have known better,” “Guess I’m just human, after all…”

We then asked the planners to find new tables and conversation partners and to tell a story about overcoming a major obstacle or problem in their lives. The planners listening then reflected back what they heard in terms of the resources brought to bear in solving the problem. “Courage,” “Persistence,” “Honesty” were among the many resources cited. “Money” – the resource we planners talk about most – was not mentioned. Again there was laughter, but this time it was lighter and shared by many people. You could feel the energy in the room.

Women’s Circle

Our evening conversation with 16 women consumers also began with a sense of palpable anxiety in the room. They had come to the event, as far as they knew, to talk about money – and it was clear that for many of them, this was not exactly a fun or easy topic to discuss. Unlike the advisors, most of these women did not know the other invitees, adding somewhat to their discomfort.

The women sat in a single circle and introduced themselves simply by stating their name, where they were from, and the names of the women in their lives. The spirit of grandmothers, mothers, sisters, daughters, nieces, and granddaughters thus came into the room, as well as smiles of recognition with a shared family name or birthplace.

We used a “talking piece” which is an important tool of circle hosting to allow each participant to speak without interruption. In this case, the talking piece was a small ball with squishy spikes that the women tossed back and forth when one had finished her share and another wanted to speak.

Our questions to the group were similar to those put to the advisors: What questions do you bring with you today? Tell a story about a childhood experience with money and how that shows up in your life today. Talk about a problem in your life that you overcame. After this last topic, other members of the group commented on the resources and strengths of the storyteller. “Courage,” “strength to face reality,” “willingness to ask for help” were just a few of the many resources cited.

When we closed the circle by asking for final thoughts, the most frequent theme was gratitude – thankfulness for friends, abundance, for the group. Several expressed an interest in continuing a circle conversation in the future.

Transformations

It was clear to Elizabeth and me that some powerful transformations had taken place in these two conversations with advisors and with women. In the case of the advisors, they arrived in their professional roles, eager to learn about tools and processes they could use immediately in their practices. They left, however, with a sense of their personal vulnerability, and a new appreciation of what their women clients often experience when it comes to the subject of money. They also experienced a new definition of “wealth”, as not just financial assets, but the internal and social resources that can be used in the pursuit of a rich life.

In the women’s circle, the process was one of creating “safe” space. The subject of money – which most perceived as scary, embarrassing, confusing, isolating – was transformed into an engaging exploration of attitudes and strengths. They arrived quietly, with hesitation and their own fears about money scarcity, and left, still chatting, excited about the possibility of continuing the conversation.

One woman’s comment illustrates perfectly this transformation. She had come to the circle at the urging of her husband, but admitted at the outset that she really had very little to say about money. She was quiet during the open shares, but listened intently. At the end of the evening, however, when we went around the circle for the women to offer any parting thoughts, she finally spoke. She admitted that she had nothing to contribute earlier in the evening when we asked for childhood money memories. But now she did remember a story about having to dole out lunch money to her younger, less responsible brother. It seemed to be an “Aha!” moment for her, explaining her tendency to take care of everyone else, to the exclusion of her self.

“This,” she said, “is something I really want to think about…”

Click here to read more about the Circles process.

Categories Financial Confidence, Personal Finance for Women
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The Two Faces of Choice

by Elizabeth Jetton CFP®

August 25th, 2010

Directions is pleased to welcome a guest blog post from one of our cofounders, Elizabeth Jetton, CFP® . For more about Elizabeth, click here.

I recently read a fascinating interview published online in Knowledge @ Wharton with author and researcher, Sheena Iyengar, a professor at Columbia Business School who wrote The Art of Choosing.

When I ask clients what is important to them about money, often both men and women will tell me, “It’s having choice: being able to do what I want. “ Simple. Choice equals freedom. Or does it?

The psychology of choice is fascinating. Studies indicate how fickle we can be about what we want, whether we are in the grocery store, choosing between jobs or selecting an entrée at a restaurant. We are impacted by what others want; by what our culture values and by competing internal pulls between what we truly value, what we think we ought to value, what our gut tells us and our rational mind is telling us.

There can be a cost to having too much choice. In one of her studies, Iyengar compared 401(k) participation rates for Fidelity funds, which manages billions of dollars in retirement funds. In 401(k) plans where the employees were offered 10 or fewer investment choices, participation in the plan was around 75%.

When the number of investment choices reached 50 or more (Fidelity offers 4500) participation in the plan dropped to 60%. In other words, too much choice can paralyze us. We may lack enough information or context for even beginning the process of choosing. We feel defeated and exhausted before we start. Not a good thing when it could mean the difference in whether or not we have enough money to spend when earning a living is no longer desirable or feasible.

Something else I’ve observed in myself regarding spending money will probably seem so obvious to you. If I don’t go in the store, I don’t have to make a choice of what to buy, so I don’t buy. Duh.

I love to knit. What I really love is yarn: the feel of different yarns, the colors, the vision I have of creating something beautiful, the image of myself relaxing in my favorite chair with a pile of yarn in my lap and the dog by my side. I do not seem to be able to enter a yarn shop without buying something, despite very strong intentions not to buy, because I do not need more yarn. I have accumulated what a saleswoman calls, “SABLE: stash accumulated beyond life expectancy”.

As soon as I enter the yarn store, the “now I must choose” part of my brain engages and I find myself scanning the aisles, not just looking for the pleasure of it, but weighing choices. That is, do I want a silk yarn or alpaca? Blues or reds? The choosing brain vs. the rational “just looking” brain usually conquers me. Maybe it’s the ancient female ancestor still alive in me, who goes “on the hunt”, who is a gatherer of berries, seeds and greens, searching the forest for the next meal, gathering, gathering, gathering. Shopping (for the things, like yarn, that call to me) feels like ancient ritual, feels good, feels like gathering.

I can gather a lot of yarn in a year if I allow myself. And sometimes that leads to the vicious cycle of guilt: guilt for unintended spending. Guilt makes me hungry. Great – now I can feel guilty for spending and for eating.

We’re laughing, right? But this behavior can cost a lot more than plowing through a yarn budget. We won’t make a choice where we need to make it (participating in a 401(k), hiring a financial advisor, etc.) but we will get trapped into choices we would be better off avoiding.

The pull is strong. The gratification of choosing whatever it is calling us- shoes, children’s toys, jewelry, home goods, books, yarn … you name it – can represent the opposite of freedom: addiction, a lack of ability to choose “no”.

Freedom is the ability to choose not only “yes”, but to choose “no”. To feel the empowerment of serving a grander goal, like money for your future, or money for a long desired trip or building reserves so you can have true freedom even if times get a little rough. You can achieve these goals because you exercised your choice to say “no” to the pull of “more” and exercised your choice to say “yes” to not spending. Additionally, you have the choice to say yes to , but to saving, to calling an advisor, to raising the question with your friends or an advisor about money, to appreciating all that “yarn” (insert your own passion) you’ve already acquired.

The choice to love what you have, just like your mother told you, is perhaps the greater freedom. The power of choosing “none”, a statement of personal independence. I’m still a work in progress, because I’m human. It helps to talk about it!

Categories Personal Finance for Women
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