Here’s a paradox to think about this Sunday, as we celebrate the amazing lives and contributions of our mothers:

Motherhood is the largest and oldest industry in this country, producing the major source of our country’s wealth: namely, our nation’s human capital. Mothers bear, and for the most part, raise the children who will become tomorrow’s leaders, entrepreneurs, workers, and parents.

Why then, as creators of this enormous wealth, do our mothers so often come to the end of their lives with so little of it? Why do so many women in general, and single mothers in particular, live out their last years completely reliant on Social Security benefits, compared to elderly men and fathers who are much more likely to have other sources of income?

One answer comes obviously to mind: children cost money – a lot of money — that would otherwise be available to mothers for their own retirements and self-care. The average cost of raising a child to age 18 in this country runs approximately $240,000 according to the Department of Agriculture – far more than most women have put aside in their retirement plans, if indeed they even have them. And because more mothers than ever before are raising their children as single parents, these costs are often not shared, falling to the female parent.

But beyond the hard costs of raising kids – the shoes, the food, the medical care – there is another, greater, but less visible cost: that is, the opportunity cost of motherhood. This cost, defined by financial textbooks as the cost of an alternative that must be foregone in order to pursue a given action, is the earnings a woman foregoes when she chooses to be a mother. Even if a woman does not leave the labor force to have children, there is still likely to be lost earnings in the form of lesser pay. This might be because she now must work part-time or because she is likely to choose less well-paying careers in administration or teaching for the greater opportunity these jobs afford for maintaining work-home balance. Or perhaps she is hesitant to ask for a raise or for what she is worth because she doesn’t want to “push too hard” in case she decides to have another child.

These lost earnings compound when you consider important benefits, such as Social Security, disability coverage, and contributions to 401(k)s, are a function of income level as well as time in the workplace. Workers often do not receive benefits if they work less than half time. Retirement contributions to employer plans can only be made if there is earned income. Social Security payments are based on the “highest earnings” over a 35 year period, which can unduly penalize even high income women if they have some no-wages years in that period because they left to care for children.

This potent cocktail of circumstances leaves a bad headache of financial worry for so many mothers. Compared to fathers, they live longer, work just as hard if not harder, but have less for their later years. All the Hallmark cards and FTD arrangements in the world cannot dispel their bag lady fears.

So what can those of us who are mothers, have mothers, and/or care about our nation’s mothers do? Actions range from political activism, to increasing social and workplace awareness, to simple (and earlier) financial planning. Here’s what these might look like:

• When Social Security reform is next publicly debated, as it inevitably will be, make yourself heard in support of giving mothers work credits for the unpaid labor of motherhood. A year or two or five spent out the workplace to raise children should not count as zero earning years in computing a mother’s retirement benefit.
• Speak up and out for workplace policies that are friendly to working mothers: flex-time, working from home, a bank of unused sick leave contributed by other employees that can be drawn upon by mothers after childbirth.
• Educate bosses and managers that the old rules of productivity no longer apply. Face-time is not an indicator of commitment or effectiveness. While you are at it, you might remind them that the companies who recruit, promote, and do everything to retain women (and thereby mothers) have been shown to be more profitable.
• Make sure that the mothers in your life are adequately insured, particularly when it comes to disability and long-term care, and are taking full advantage of retirement benefits available directly or as a spousal benefit.
• Help mothers understand that self-care, in the form of getting trusted financial advice, is not selfish or pointless, but is in fact another way to take care of her offspring. The money that Mom spends to prepare for and fund her retirement years is money that her children won’t have to pay.

Finally, after the brunch or breakfast in bed, how about a quiet talk with Mom (or a conversation with yourself) about what those later years might look like. How does she want to live? Where and with or near whom? What does she want to be doing? How does she want to be cared for, in the event of illness or disability?

Helping her envision her future may be the first and most important step toward planning for it. Now that’s a gift.